So I Quit What I Thought Was My Dream Job...

I'm writing this on June 12 at what will be my desk for another 1 hour and 24 minutes. The truth of the matter is I thought the place where I have worked since January 9 would be a dream job. At the very least it was the next step in my career. As it turned out, it was one of the most frustrating, negative, discouraging experiences of my life, work or otherwise.

So what led me to quit? What led me to walk out on a full time job without another one lined up for the first time in my life?

It was working for leaders who were new in their positions and did not know how to lead. 

It was receiving 3 reviews in 3 months and each one becoming more and more negative without a morsel of specific positive feedback. 

It was getting a completely different set of job duties than what I had been given in the description. I thought I would be working with athletics and counseling students. I would up doing marketing and event planning and special circumstance appeals. I hated dealing with those unique situations and all the challenging details.

It was being the only one excluded from the team's remote schedule, after being told I would get three remote days every two weeks. It had been one of the most alluring aspects to this job and then it just ceased to exist. So that meant two hours of driving every single day, 10 hours a week, 66 miles per day, or 330 for the whole week. And with the gas prices in the early part of 2026, that took a toll on my vehicle.  

It was that this place had their own way of doing business, utilizing their own systems that were incredibly challenging to learn. And there were no resources on how to use the system, so there was a lot of trial and error. I had to ask questions to learn most of anything.

And as much as anything, it was the micromanagement. I had to copy them on every freaking email I sent, no matter if it was to a student or to a colleague. I had to send out daily summary emails of what I had been doing and who I worked with. As the micromanagement increased, my desire to stay plummeted. The point of these new measures was to help me grow my confidence and skills. What it did was put me under the microscope.

I never truly felt valued by my directors. Now I can admit making some mistakes on certain reports or projects, but that's part of learning. I also know that I made major improvements in my work over time. But it never seemed my efforts were appreciated, certainly not by the people whose opinions mattered. And I had no indication their perception would ever change. 

So I started searching for a new position back in mid April, which was the time I was placed on a performance improvement plan. And finally around Memorial Day weekend, I finally made the decision to leave. Thursday the 28th was the day I officially gave my notice. And I do not regret doing it. I am leaving on my terms and it is time for me to focus on my next steps. 

Before I move onto that next step, I will say one more thing about this five-month period. I am proud of myself. I'm proud that I took on new challenges. I'm proud that my skillset has grown. I'm proud that can say I was an assistant director. But more than all of that, I'm proud that I maintained a professional attitude through it. In my 20's there would have been some loud groaning, I may have even banged my fist on my desk. I didn't. Even the directors had to acknowledge they appreciated my attitude. Of course, it was only given a "Meets expectations." Considering what they put me through, I exceeded my own expectations.

So where do I go from here?

I have interviewed with two schools where I have a chance and I have another final interview scheduled for Monday. I've applied for a number of other jobs but until I hear back that someone is actually interested, I don't consider it to be a real possibility. In the meantime, I'll be hitting the deliveries pretty hard.

I know God will guide me. A lot of things in my life have gotten better since I moved to North Carolina, but my career is one thing that hasn't. I moved here for one job and it lasted exactly 18 months before I was betrayed and let go with many other layoffs. Five weeks later, I started this job which I have just quit. I can only hope and pray these experiences will get me ready for my next position.

And based off the interview I had Wednesday, I would have a chance to use those skills if that position were to work out. They told me I will be hearing back by Tuesday...

On the Border setlist

 

Take It Easy
Peaceful Easy Feeling
Victim of Love
The Long Run
New Kid In Town
Witchy Woman
Funk #49
One of These Nights
In the City
Tequila Sunrise
Lyin' Eyes
Take It to the Limit
Those Shoes

Intermission

Dirty Laundry

Life's Been Good
Desperado
Heartache Tonight
Rocky Mountain Way
Seven Bridges Road
Hotel California
Life in the Fast Lane

5/22/2026

Lincoln Theater

Raleigh, NC

Finally Posting in 2026

I feel like I owe an apology to the people who read this blog as I put up this post. I used to post so much more frequently. I truly don't know if the readers are people I know or folks I haven't met. But 2026 has been horribly challenging. And so much of it is work related. And after my period of unemployment, I did not know my new job would be far more stressful, far more frustrating, and far more anxiety-inducing than being out of work ever was.

But this job has been one of the most draining ones I have ever had, full time or part time. It is like pushing a boulder up a mountain and I can't see the peak of the mountain. These directors cannot be satisfied. All of them have been in their positions less than six months and they have no idea how to manage people or manage a team. I don't have certain tools or resources or systems that enable me to do my job properly. Every school has different systems, and there are no clear tutorials or guides on how to use theirs. I have to ask around and I hate having to do that.

I can say in these three months, I have two regrets. That's it. One was not preparing far enough in advance for an event that they wanted me to lead. Oh yes, that's another thing, they've been wanting me to market and event plan...things I've never really done professionally. I'm all for learning new skills, but they just expected me to run with these things. And I changed a date by one day on a comment to make it look better, so I wrote false information. Mistakes, I admit it. But of course, the mistakes will always be blown up and the good things I do will be minimized. They never give specific positive feedback, only negative. The closest I get to a compliment is we are seeing some progress. And the director talks about how he wants me to grow into this position, how we're a team, how we learn from each other. I don't feel part of a team at all. It feels like I'm a temp hire. 

I'm proud of certain accomplishments. I've stabilized their Federal Work Study, organizing the full list of employees and hours earned, I satisfied a Federal requirement by hooking up a student with a local tutoring job, I did a great job at a Saturday event where I answered questions for over 90 minutes from incoming students and families. Yet none of them mean anything.  

So why am I writing now? Today, I had a 3 month review. Oh and this isn't even my annual review, that comes later this month, which is the definition of redundant. And the two directors decide they want me to not only bcc them on every fucking email I send, but now they also want me to write a daily summary of my day and send that to them. So it's more micromanaging, more scrutiny, more bullshit.

For two months now, I have dealt with constant anxiety, frequent stress, and nonstop frustration; it goes back to that event I referenced earlier. This job has been a black cloud in my mind even when I am not there. Before, I rarely took my work home with me. This time is different, my feelings and mindset have evolved. As of now, I don't feel anxious or stressed. I feel demasculated, I feel beaten. I feel resigned that this will not last much longer. 

The only reason I make the 55 minute drive each way, each day, is for the paycheck. Oh yes, 55 minutes with these God forsaken gas prices. I was promised remote days, those have not come to fruition. And it's been only about the money/benefits for weeks. I don't want to work with these people. I don't want to work in this environment. 

So that begs the question, what will I do now? 

Would I dare walk out on this job without another job lined up? Until today, I didn't think I would. But if this performance plan has 60 days on it, and I don't feel the vibes are significantly better after about 45 of those days, I believe I really would leave. This may be crazy, but I would have more peace doing grocery deliveries for far less money every day than doing this. Yes it would be less money for a time, but you can't really put a price on mental health. And when the right full time job comes, I'll know it.

I can't help but wonder why God put me in this situation at this time. I'm not complaining, I'm legitimately wondering. Was it just to hold me over until something else comes along? Was it to show me how much I could take? I'm proud that I have remained professional and composed through this whole timeframe. I don't need to understand everything right now. I just want to gain a perspective in due time.

So it's a Monday night as I write this. Four more days to go in the work week. Let's see if I can have a few work days that are actually peaceful.