Florida

3:15 wakeup. The total tally is six flights in 48 hour and I can't imagine that the human body is meant to do this.

After the prior days; New York trip, I was going on maybe four hours of sleep. After a cup of yogurt and a shower, I began driving to RDU with the smooth jazz channel playing on XM. I took a spot in the Central parking lot, well worth the extra money, especially when arriving so early.  As expected, there was barely a security line. 

Not so expected, I got a first class seat, 1A to Miami. I enjoyed my free screwdriver over that next hour. The flight to Tampa, not so plush. Middle seat. But it was only an hour long and we actually landed 30 minutes earlier than expected. 

Now in the Tampa region, essentially, there is no public transportation. Maybe slightly more than Raleigh. I credit the Tampa Airport though; they have a well organized section for rideshares with clear directions and numbered doors, which makes finding the driver much easier. The Uber to St. Petersburg took about 25 minutes. I got dropped off at the Chihuly Museum. Actually they were still 10 minutes from opening, so I grabbed an iced chai across the street at Caribou. Now I'm not the biggest art guy in the world, But I certainly admire what Dale Chihuly has been able to accomplish with glass blowing. It wasn't the largest collection, though it was beautiful; I was gone in 45 minutes.

The plan was to eat at Engine No. 9, one of my favorite burger joints. But the truth is the police looked so dilapidated from the outside that I didn't even bother to stay period plus it opened at 11:30 and the game started at 1:00 p.m., there just really wasn't enough time.

So I began my 15 minute walk through a Florida drizzle over to Tropicana Field, maybe the most drab stadium in all of MLB. The game was Rays vs Blue Jays, so it was an AL East matchup. Now as I just alluded to, Tropicana Field gets a very negative reputation and it's not undeserved. The best words I would use to describe it are sterile and tacky. There's nothing really charming or inviting about it, it is just a lot of concrete. The oversized fake baseballs on the outside of the white concrete building don't exactly help.

For food, I started with the Chicken Parm sandwich. I was incredibly impressed by the bread, it was a toasted semolina loaf. The chicken was pretty crispy, that was actually better than what I had at New York the prior day. But I still have to give Citi Field the edge with that vodka sauce.

About an hour later, I tried a Cubano sandwich. And it was served Tampa style with Genoa salami added to the usual roast pork, ham, Swiss cheese, pickle slices, and mustard. It was very good, though I'm not sure if I prefer that one or the Miami style more. I would say the Tampa sandwich is a little bit saltier with the addition of the salami, but at least there's more meat. Maybe the weird part is I drank a bottled protein milkshake with it. I mean it was the same price as a soda or a water, so why not?

As for the game, Toronto won five to one over Tampa Bay. I would estimate there were 13,000 fans there and at least a third of them were Toronto fans. I guess there's a reason they close off the upper deck for most Rays games.

About halfway through the game, I looked at the possibility of an earlier flight, but nothing seemed all that open so I decided to just stick it out and go for the later flights. I got an Uber to the airport, as the driver fought through rush hour traffic. 

It took almost no time to get to my gate, the Tampa Airport actually has a separate section for people who are just carrying on bags as opposed to people who are checking in luggage. So I got right on the train from the main terminal to my actual terminal and then went through security. Oh yes about security. Even though I had no metal and nothing in my pockets I still got a full pat down. And when I say a full pat down, I mean a full pat down. And not from the hands I would have preferred either.

One glass of red wine... for 17 bucks. I tried getting on the 5:30 plane, but it was full. So I had to wait till the 7:40, except that got delayed a full hour and so it was an absolute race to make my connection from Miami to Raleigh.

Except we got delayed again. While the plane was pushing off, we stopped after about three feet. There was an influx of planed landing into Tampa Bay. Apparently a small weather system caused numerous delays and even some cancellations. So we were held up another 30 minutes. And at this point I knew the only chance I had to make the connection to Raleigh was if my connecting flight was also delayed. I refreshed the American Airlines app every five minutes hoping to see the words "On Time: replaced by "Delayed." But it never happened. We landed in Miami about 20 minutes after my plane had already departed from the gate. So that means I had 10 hours to spend in the Miami airport. 

And there are no beds are comfortable arrangements to speak ok. It's find a corner, preferrably with a charging outlet, cover your eyes to shield the overly bright lights (I pulled my Jets cap down), and pray it doesn't get too loud. I would up getting under a table at Gate D9 with a reachable outlet. I got on my left side with an extra shirt underneath my hip and low back, and turned on some Keith Morrison narrated episodes of Dateline. Helped me get some decent sleep. And I was certainly in and out of consciousness between maybe 11:30 pm and 4 am. But it did well enough.

I got a bagel sandwich at Einstein, I hadn't eaten anything since about 12:30 the prior day at the ballpark. And the flight was pretty easy; I knew there were about 40 seats on the nonstop. I wouldn't have minded another first class seat because God knows I could have used another cocktail. But that's ok. But we left at 8:15 am, so it was right at 10 hours in that airport. And again, six flights in 48 hours, that takes a toll!

Good to be back home.

NY

I was up by 6 am for my flight to LaGuardia. 6 am is usually around the time my flights leave, but this was an exception. I had set up a reservation for the economy parking lot. While I like using the closer and pricier parking lots, I really only use them for one day trips and when my flight is extra early. For an 8:50 departure, not really worth the extra 9 bucks. 

There was no security line to speak of at RDU. It was so quiet, it reminded me of the old Newport News Airport. After landing in New York,  I hopped the Q90 bus to Citi Field. Three dollars. Hey Mamdani, where's the free public transportation? Where's the warmth of collectivism you kept talking about? What a crock he is. 

Anyway, I entered the Willets Point Brewery, which is attached to the 1st base side of the stadium.  I opted for a Montauk Juicy IPA and it was quite good. The 24 ounce selection even got me a collectors cup. Then for a stadium giveaway, I scored a blue Benge and Ewing shirt. From there, I went into the team store and...I'm sorry but I'm not paying 45 bucks for a freaking t-shirt. I did get a white pinstripe Mr. Met drawstring bag for $10 off. Every Mets ticket has a $10 coupon loaded into it for every home game during the rest of the season. I guess when the season goes this terribly, you have to come up with gimmicks to get people in the ballpark. 

Then of course, there's the food. There's probably not a stadium in the country that serves better food. I headed into the Metropolitan Market, which is a club located on the middle level and in the left field corner. I ordered the Verrazano panini with breaded chicken, vodka sauce, and fresh mozz pressed on focaccia bread. And I took a table next to the clear plexiglass window that offered a clear, wide view of the whole field. The sandwich was very good; my only knock is the chicken wasn't crispy enough. But... make it in advance and that's what can happen. 

Around the 4th inning, it was time for hot pastrami on rye. I don't think I can go to a Mets game without getting one. The meat is hand carved and it is carved thick. A little deli mustard and good quality rye bread... and of course a pickle spear. Nothing to change. With a Coke, 30 more bucks. 

As for the game, the Mets started slowly, they didn't even get a baserunner until the 4th inning. But Carson Benge hit a 2 run opposite field home run and Kodai Senga locked down his fourth save of the season as the Mets won over the Padres 4-2.

Then it was the same bus back to the airport for a near 3 hour wait. I finished the day with an amazing slice of Junior's key lime cheesecake. Then a 7:30 flight back home and it was time to get about four hours sleep before waking up at 3:15 for my trip down to Florida.

Oh and while in waiting in LaGuardia airport, I got the final approval that I'd been hired for my new job. Yep! I had received two emails that afternoon that I would be receiving a shipment from FedEx where the return address was in New Hampshire. On a hunch, I called the recruiter to ask about the background check and she confirmed it was finalized that day. 

Finish Line Visible

The last two weeks have been quite chaotic in my job hunt. I went from having practically no prospects to four schools suddenly showing interest and wanting to interview me. Everything from prestigious four year universities to non profits to local technical schools. Everything seemed to strt to happen on Tuesday August 4

Now the one four year school, which is local, I was stunned to generate interest with them. I've applied for many jobs with that school in the last 2 years and never received anything back besides a rejection email. But they were interested to have me at their social work school as an awarding director. The virtual interview had 7 or 8 people on it, so it's a good sign that their interest was serious. And the money is outrageously good, about 15% more than I've ever made at one job before. But I had been told they still had additional interviews to conduct over the next week. Plus throw in that they're such a large school, it would stand to reason that the hiring process would move about as fast as a turtle through molasses. 

With one remote school, there was some confusion on the time zone and also the interview method. First, EDT is apparently the same thing as central time. So that threw me! Then, I expected a phone call and it turned out to be a zoom call. So since I was on the road doing a delivery route, I suddenly realized I had to download the zoom app and I'd be doing the interview from my car. So there I was, in a dark blue long sleeve running t shirt... certainly not what I would have worn for a job interview had I known I would appear on video. I thought the interview went OK, but the fact that I was 20 minutes late, I know that is not a good omen. And gosh, I hate being late for anything. I haven't heard from them in the two weeks since the interview. 

Now let's talk about another remote school. The money didn't sound great, but the school had a good reputation. And the hours were unique, working Tuesday through Saturday as well as later in the day. I had previously completed a virtual interview, where I was given questions to answer on a screen and I then had to record my answers. I had done this one time before, and I did not feel very comfortable, but at least it gave me some experience in that setting. 

It took nearly three weeks after that process, but I heard back from the school during that hectic Tuesday. The HR manager asked me to do a screening with herthe next day, which went pretty smoothly. And that wasn't surprising, I've always been fine with the HR folks. So I was asked to interview with another member of the talent team as well as a director on the team where I would be working. And that was going to be on the next Monday morning. I accepted. 

The final school, which is a local technical college, reached out to me via text, which is unusual. I interviewed with their recruiter in Louisiana via phone on Friday and then had an in person interview the following Monday afternoon. The same Monday that I interviewed in person with the remote school. I wore my three piece suit, and it wasn't exactly comfortable on such a hot Carolina afternoon. I got along with the campus president very well; I met several other members of the staff; I was given a tour of the "campus," which is part of a strip mall. Now one of my concerns was that several locations of this school had closed, so I needed to know how stable they were. Over the last two decades, I've worked for many schools that are no longer in business. The president addressed my concerns sufficiently. I felt very positive after the hour plus long meeting, confident I had a great chance to finally get my first job offer. 

By late Monday, the local school made me a tentative offer. The money was good, the start date was good, and I said I would like to go forward. So at that point, I felt committed to the local school. It felt safe, it seemed pretty easy. Sure I had another interview planned with the remote school on Wednesday, but it just didn't seem likely. It's hard to get a remote job, since the talent pool is so much bigger than if the job is just local. 

I reached out to the other three schools and explained I had received a job offer so I needed to know where I stood in the process with the other schools. The recruiter at the remote school asked me to do a follow up interview on Wednesday morning with the same talent member plus a different department director. I agreed, and I felt zero pressure going into this. Maybe that helped? However, by the time I repsponded there wer0 eno more Wednesday openings so I had to push it to Thursday.

The follow up interview was scheduled for 9:45 am and the block was 45 minutes long. Turns out the interview was over in 15. It went smoothly, and around 30 minutes after the interview ended, I received a job offer from them for a little bit better money than what had been initially presented. Not as much as the remote school, but close. But they were asking for an answer that day... and that didn't exactly give me an abundance of time! Ironically, the local school finally got my offer letter to me that same afternoon, about 48 hours after the last interview. 

So all of a sudden, I had a major decision to make. It was not an easy choice. I consulted with a few trusted people. Here's what it came down to. I realized that while the in person job was safer in that I knew the processing systems, I was used to the quick academic schedule where there was a new start every five weeks, and that the base pay was better... it wasn't what I really wanted. The remote job would be easier on me time wise, the school has over 200,000 students, the benefits are much better, there are opportunities for annual bonuses, and after nine months, I can apply for the next level up in my position. I'd be betting on myself, but I believe it would be a worthwhile bet.  

So that Thursday night, I called the recruiter from that remote school and told her I accepted the offer. I have hesitated to contact the local school because I wanted to make sure everything was settled first. And so in the last few days, I've done my onboarding steps such as address verification, direct deposit, tax documents, etc. 

As of now, it's now Wednesday morning. My four references are all checked and I'm just waiting on the background check to finish. I completed the authorization for that on Monday. I shouldn't be nervous, but what if they find I worked a job this year that I didn't include on my resume? It was so negative that I'd rather not talk about it or even acknowledge it. Or the social media post that led to a previous employer blindsiding me last November?

It's as if I've run 26 miles of the marathon... now it's that last 0.2 to go. From what I've researched, these background checks take 1-5 days and this is Day 2. 

But the finish line... it's right there. God, please let me cross it. 

Birthday Reflections

No news on the job front. I went to a career fair on Thursday and interviewed with six or seven companies and subsequently applied for a dozen jobs or so period but there must have been 200 or 300 people there as well. And yes I have a phone interview scheduled for next Tuesday for a remote financial aid job, but I have interviewed for so many jobs and none of them have worked out that I can not get excited over this anymore.

And my mother ruined my birthday dinner. All because she was driving in downtown Raleigh and I could sense she was going to drive into a white traffic pole on the street and I begged her to keep turning left. And somehow that results in me being unkind because I got scared for her and raised my voice. So my mother hates that I care, that is what it comes down to. As a result we sat in the bar of a very nice steakhouse for 10 minutes, drink half a glass of water each, and went home. I was too upset and too distressed to eat with her. She even said I could take her credit card, go inside, and eat by myself if I wanted to. That would be basically be a trap. If I was to go in and eat dinner alone in there, I would feel guilty for the rest of my life about it.

So the next morning was my birthday and I drove to the St. Francis Springs Prayer Center in Stoneman, NC, which is halfway between Greensboro and the Virginia state line. I had been planning this retreat for a couple of weeks, and while my mother had offered to go with me, she decided to not go, which is probably a smart idea after the previous evening. Thankfully I was able to get my money back and use it towards a future day retreat at the center. 

I did get my free large iced chai at Caribou in Burlington on the way, and it was so satisfying. Extra cinnamon and nutmeg, that part is very important.

I spent a lot of time reading, and a little bit in prayer. It's very valuable to have a place like this that is quite remote where I can be still, and have a true chance to reflect and recalibrate myself. Or maybe more accurately, God can work a little bit more effectively on me.

As long as the most important thing in my life is independence, or making a decent living, then when that is put into jeopardy, I will never be able to be at peace. Even if it sounds a little crazy to base my life on god, at least I know it is permanent. It can be a little bit hard, it can be scary, and it's a standard that I cannot meet. But basing my happiness, no, my joy, on things of this world, it really is never going to last for long. Because circumstances change so rapidly.

I'm not trying to preach here, God knows I am completely unqualified for that. But after 45 years of life, things that I hear people say, start to become more real with life experience.

And afterwards, I had a nice dinner with three people from facebook, only one of whom I had met before. We went to a pizza joint in High Point and they actually thought I was funny, and had great energy. That was good. 

There was one girl in the group who had met briefly before, but I get the feeling she's one of those tough nuts to crack. It takes a lot to get deep with her probably because she's had to reject so many men over the years.

So I Quit What I Thought Was My Dream Job...

I'm writing this on June 12 at what will be my desk for another 1 hour and 24 minutes. The truth of the matter is I thought the place where I have worked since January 9 would be a dream job. At the very least it was the next step in my career. As it turned out, it was one of the most frustrating, negative, discouraging experiences of my life, work or otherwise.

So what led me to quit? What led me to walk out on a full time job without another one lined up for the first time in my life?

It was working for leaders who were new in their positions and did not know how to lead. 

It was receiving 3 reviews in 3 months and each one becoming more and more negative without a morsel of specific positive feedback. 

It was getting a completely different set of job duties than what I had been given in the description. I thought I would be working with athletics and counseling students. I would up doing marketing and event planning and special circumstance appeals. I hated dealing with those unique situations and all the challenging details.

It was being the only one excluded from the team's remote schedule, after being told I would get three remote days every two weeks. It had been one of the most alluring aspects to this job and then it just ceased to exist. So that meant two hours of driving every single day, 10 hours a week, 66 miles per day, or 330 for the whole week. And with the gas prices in the early part of 2026, that took a toll on my vehicle.  

It was that this place had their own way of doing business, utilizing their own systems that were incredibly challenging to learn. And there were no resources on how to use the system, so there was a lot of trial and error. I had to ask questions to learn most of anything.

And as much as anything, it was the micromanagement. I had to copy them on every freaking email I sent, no matter if it was to a student or to a colleague. I had to send out daily summary emails of what I had been doing and who I worked with. As the micromanagement increased, my desire to stay plummeted. The point of these new measures was to help me grow my confidence and skills. What it did was put me under the microscope.

I never truly felt valued by my directors. Now I can admit making some mistakes on certain reports or projects, but that's part of learning. I also know that I made major improvements in my work over time. But it never seemed my efforts were appreciated, certainly not by the people whose opinions mattered. And I had no indication their perception would ever change. 

So I started searching for a new position back in mid April, which was the time I was placed on a performance improvement plan. And finally around Memorial Day weekend, I finally made the decision to leave. Thursday the 28th was the day I officially gave my notice. And I do not regret doing it. I am leaving on my terms and it is time for me to focus on my next steps. 

Before I move onto that next step, I will say one more thing about this five-month period. I am proud of myself. I'm proud that I took on new challenges. I'm proud that my skillset has grown. I'm proud that can say I was an assistant director. But more than all of that, I'm proud that I maintained a professional attitude through it. In my 20's there would have been some loud groaning, I may have even banged my fist on my desk. I didn't. Even the directors had to acknowledge they appreciated my attitude. Of course, it was only given a "Meets expectations." Considering what they put me through, I exceeded my own expectations.

So where do I go from here?

I have interviewed with two schools where I have a chance and I have another final interview scheduled for Monday. I've applied for a number of other jobs but until I hear back that someone is actually interested, I don't consider it to be a real possibility. In the meantime, I'll be hitting the deliveries pretty hard.

I know God will guide me. A lot of things in my life have gotten better since I moved to North Carolina, but my career is one thing that hasn't. I moved here for one job and it lasted exactly 18 months before I was betrayed and let go with many other layoffs. Five weeks later, I started this job which I have just quit. I can only hope and pray these experiences will get me ready for my next position.

And based off the interview I had Wednesday, I would have a chance to use those skills if that position were to work out. They told me I will be hearing back by Tuesday...

On the Border setlist

 

Take It Easy
Peaceful Easy Feeling
Victim of Love
The Long Run
New Kid In Town
Witchy Woman
Funk #49
One of These Nights
In the City
Tequila Sunrise
Lyin' Eyes
Take It to the Limit
Those Shoes

Intermission

Dirty Laundry

Life's Been Good
Desperado
Heartache Tonight
Rocky Mountain Way
Seven Bridges Road
Hotel California
Life in the Fast Lane

5/22/2026

Lincoln Theater

Raleigh, NC

Finally Posting in 2026

I feel like I owe an apology to the people who read this blog as I put up this post. I used to post so much more frequently. I truly don't know if the readers are people I know or folks I haven't met. But 2026 has been horribly challenging. And so much of it is work related. And after my period of unemployment, I did not know my new job would be far more stressful, far more frustrating, and far more anxiety-inducing than being out of work ever was.

But this job has been one of the most draining ones I have ever had, full time or part time. It is like pushing a boulder up a mountain and I can't see the peak of the mountain. These directors cannot be satisfied. All of them have been in their positions less than six months and they have no idea how to manage people or manage a team. I don't have certain tools or resources or systems that enable me to do my job properly. Every school has different systems, and there are no clear tutorials or guides on how to use theirs. I have to ask around and I hate having to do that.

I can say in these three months, I have two regrets. That's it. One was not preparing far enough in advance for an event that they wanted me to lead. Oh yes, that's another thing, they've been wanting me to market and event plan...things I've never really done professionally. I'm all for learning new skills, but they just expected me to run with these things. And I changed a date by one day on a comment to make it look better, so I wrote false information. Mistakes, I admit it. But of course, the mistakes will always be blown up and the good things I do will be minimized. They never give specific positive feedback, only negative. The closest I get to a compliment is we are seeing some progress. And the director talks about how he wants me to grow into this position, how we're a team, how we learn from each other. I don't feel part of a team at all. It feels like I'm a temp hire. 

I'm proud of certain accomplishments. I've stabilized their Federal Work Study, organizing the full list of employees and hours earned, I satisfied a Federal requirement by hooking up a student with a local tutoring job, I did a great job at a Saturday event where I answered questions for over 90 minutes from incoming students and families. Yet none of them mean anything.  

So why am I writing now? Today, I had a 3 month review. Oh and this isn't even my annual review, that comes later this month, which is the definition of redundant. And the two directors decide they want me to not only bcc them on every fucking email I send, but now they also want me to write a daily summary of my day and send that to them. So it's more micromanaging, more scrutiny, more bullshit.

For two months now, I have dealt with constant anxiety, frequent stress, and nonstop frustration; it goes back to that event I referenced earlier. This job has been a black cloud in my mind even when I am not there. Before, I rarely took my work home with me. This time is different, my feelings and mindset have evolved. As of now, I don't feel anxious or stressed. I feel demasculated, I feel beaten. I feel resigned that this will not last much longer. 

The only reason I make the 55 minute drive each way, each day, is for the paycheck. Oh yes, 55 minutes with these God forsaken gas prices. I was promised remote days, those have not come to fruition. And it's been only about the money/benefits for weeks. I don't want to work with these people. I don't want to work in this environment. 

So that begs the question, what will I do now? 

Would I dare walk out on this job without another job lined up? Until today, I didn't think I would. But if this performance plan has 60 days on it, and I don't feel the vibes are significantly better after about 45 of those days, I believe I really would leave. This may be crazy, but I would have more peace doing grocery deliveries for far less money every day than doing this. Yes it would be less money for a time, but you can't really put a price on mental health. And when the right full time job comes, I'll know it.

I can't help but wonder why God put me in this situation at this time. I'm not complaining, I'm legitimately wondering. Was it just to hold me over until something else comes along? Was it to show me how much I could take? I'm proud that I have remained professional and composed through this whole timeframe. I don't need to understand everything right now. I just want to gain a perspective in due time.

So it's a Monday night as I write this. Four more days to go in the work week. Let's see if I can have a few work days that are actually peaceful.