Trip for my Grandfather, part 2

I had set the alarm to go off at 5:45 the next morning. Well I guess mom was already up, she knew I had to run that morning and that we wanted to leave the hotel by 8. So I consumed my pre workout drink, which I had already prepared the night before. As I was getting dressed, the alarm went off. But there was something different about this alarm. It wasn't the radio. It wasn't a buzzer. It was a church bell. The type with that familiar rhythm that ends with the loud chime. One chime for every hour. And I recall when I was a boy, my grandfather kept a clock on the wall that would go off with that same sound every hour. It woke me up dozens of times. I swear my grandfather had one last joke to play.

So it was off to the chlorine gym. I covered 6.5 miles in 50 minutes, definitely good progress. A sweaty mess, I went to the lobby to grab breakfast, which was alright. The turkey sausage wasn't great, it could've been seared better. The cheese omelets were fine, at least they tasted like actual eggs.

After a shower, I put on my suit and we drove a half hour south to pick up Linda and drive to Byles Funeral Home in New London. My grandfather had conducted dozens of funerals in this home. Now it was his turn. When my turn came to speak, I told the alarm story and prayed the prayer, which I've posted previously. The pastor did a great job. One of the things I remember is when he was talking about thinking of a word that defined my grandfather and then applying that to our own lives. I heard words such as positive and resilient. Mine was servanthood. There were maybe 40 people and I was the youngest by probably 15 years.

We had our luncheon at Filomena's, the same place where the tribute had been for my grandmother 19 months earlier. There were not as many people, maybe because it was during the week, maybe it was the weather. But it was a nice simple occasion, the only thing missing were photographs.

Mom and I made quick shopping trip to the Crystal Mall, before we drove over to the Springhill Suites. I have to admit I was ready to get to the hotel and change clothes; I was feeling pretty spent emotionally. I didn't cry during the service, but I got kind of close when we sang "How Great Thou Art."

The room was kept quite clean, management included a bag of mini-shortbread cookies which became my dinner the day I left! The front desk was quite personable. The gym was pretty decent with dumbbells going up to 50 pounds, several TVs and pieces of cardio equipment.

We watched an episode of Dr. Phil before going to dinner at the Engine Room in downtown Mystic. We decided to sit at the chef counter, which provided a great view of the kitchen. It took a few minutes to get a server but Leah was wonderful, very personable and knowledgeable. She let me try two samples of beer, and I'm thankful, because I didn't really care for the $10 amber ale.

We were given a free sample of chicken and waffles. Now I've never been a big fan of this dish, but if they all tasted like this one, I'd eat it every week. Sesame honey hot sauce, maple butter, perfectly crisp skin, moist thigh meat, crunchy waffle. Amazing job.

Now they only have five or so burgers on the menu but on Monday, they have a burger and draft beer special for $15. I got a French onion burger and a German helles lager. Holy crap. The dry aged beef was cooked to between medium rare and medium, pink with a hint of gray and a nice amount of juice coming out, which I let drip all over the fresh cut fries. It came on a soft Martin's potato roll with Swiss cheese, frenched onions, and herb aioli. I couldn't put the burger down; it was gone in about four minutes.

For sides, I had the tangy potato salad which had some fresh herbs and whole grain mustard, which kept it from tasting too creamy.  And the fries were fresh cut, the way God intended. Oh and did I mention the house made pickle spear that wasn't too sweet or sour?

My dessert hormones were kicking in at that moment. I went for the monkey bread with the bourbon caramel sauce on the side. We got a tower of monkey bread inside a super hot mini cast iron skillet. If anything, it could have been cooked a minute less, I wouldn't mind it a little more gooey.

We got our bill, and I have no idea why, but dessert was on the house. We got back to the hotel and mom realized she left her purse behind. Thankfully, they held it for us at the desk.

When mom and I got back to the room, I turned on a Wes Montgomery jazz guitar album and we played a little bit of the 80s and 90s trivia card game that mom had bought me. I did a lot better, she wasn't too into pop culture by the time I was growing up.

The next day... not much to say aside from lifting weights in the gym and getting bumped off two planes out of Providence. I got first class... but no food. Three Jack and gingers.

We got bumped off another flight and we had to settle for flying to Norfolk at 10:45 pm. So now I need to pay for a freaking Uber to get to the Newport News airport. And we couldn't get our luggage, the staff had already left for the night. What a disaster. But it could have been worse. We nearly ended up stuck in the Charlotte airport overnight.

Trip for my Grandfather, part 1

Coming off three hours of sleep and waking up at 4 am, I somehow got a red hot core workout in. From the time I left the apartment to the moment I was sitting at the gate at Newport News airport, maybe 20 minutes had elapsed. It took the crew 30 minutes to de-ice the plane, but I landed in Philly and quickly headed for the Admirals Club. I got some free avocado toast with fruit and OJ. Alcohol was certainly considered, but it seemed a little early. Mom joined me after flying in from Chicago and we flew to Providence, landing 30 minutes early. I had no desire to be in the entire region of New England, especially since Satan had recently given them another sports title. But this was for my grandfather and to pay my respects. It's just that the timing was horrible.

After I collected the luggage, we got our rental car, a Ford Fiesta. Downtown Providence drove have been out of the way, so instead, we drove to downtown Warwick. We ate brunch at the Shanty, I had a good feeling I wanted to go there,  the Yelp reviews looked outstanding. We arrived during brunch hours and that was one packed lot. We had to park our car over at the adjacent pharmacy, which was closed on Sunday. There was a 45 minute wait at 12:30, but thankfully I was able to find two seats at the bar. The Shanty is one small room with a packed rectangular bar in the center and maybe 20 small tables surrounding it.

We started splitting the bacon and Brussels salad. Apple cider vinaigrette, large chunks of seared pork belly, goat cheese, cucumber, tomato, the sprouts were split in half and seared... absolutely fantastic. I then got the chicken sandwich with avocado, bacon, and rosemary aioli on ciabatta. Very very good. Oh and the fresh cut fries were marvelous, though they could have used a little salt. Mom didn't like the taste of the lobster roll, she wasn't sure if it was a different seasoning or the quality of the lobster itself.

There were weird moments during that brunch. Mom rolled her eyes when I turned the Rangers game on through my phone. I later saw a guy in a Rangers hat across the bar, so I kept him in the loop during the first period. Also, there were two girls sitting next to me at the corner of the bar, looked like pals in college. Mom said one was definitely interested in me, but I didn't see it. The girl was from northern Virginia, so I immediately thought.. high maintenance. Not proud of that. I guess I've been screwed around with so hard that I find it hard to imagine I'd be liked by a decent woman.

Mom and I then drove for an hour or so down Route 1 to Uncasville, since we were spending the night at the Fairfield Inn, near the Mohegan Sun. It was a good sized room for two people. The bathroom was on the opposite side of the entrance, an unusual setup, but it worked out pretty well. It had two TVs. And it's nice that the hotel does offer prompt service to and from the Sun, though not until 4pm.

To get to the gym, I had to walk through the indoor pool area. So the chlorine smell got into the gym and it got pretty heated. The result of that was when I was running the next morning, after a while, I had the pool room sweats going. Not the best design. They did have a good amount of free weights and cardio equipment.

Anyway, I spent the late afternoon and evening at Mohegan Sun, probably the best casino in America. Mom and I got off the shuttle, checked our coats, and immediately marched to Frank Pepe's for some real coal fired pizza. We got a medium pizza with shrimp and roasted peppers, which we'd had a few years before and it just hooked us. Awesome as always, especially with a little oregano, pepper, and cheese. We almost finished the whole thing. By the last slice, I was eating just the toppings. My friend Joe arrived up top of the nearby escalator at Carlo's bakery. I had to get some crrumb cake, even though it cost me eight bucks. Oh and over a dollar of that was taxes. Ridiculous.

Anyway, we went to the Landsdowne, the Irish pub, where Joe ordered a turkey sandwich. He bought me a Jameson and ginger ale, probably an attempt to calm my stomach after munching on all those carbs. After a drink, we stopped at the Wolf Den, where singer/songwriter 

Elise Davis was performing a free concert. Just her on guitar, along with a three piece band on bass, drums, and steel guitar. Can't have enough steel.

Joe made a Krispy Kreme stop and left to drive back home. So I was on my own. By this point, I was basically spent. Think about it. I had up since 4 am, and I wasn't feeling hungry, I had no desire to gamble, I wasn't feeling focused or concentrated enough. After a little window shopping at Yankee Candle, I stopped at Comix roadhouse for some live music and a couple of drinks. It was two guys on guitar, playing country and rock, and that was fine with me.

I drank a John Daly, followed by a Cold Snap beer. But I could feel the isolation set in. The people around me were getting loud and that just wasn't what I was in the mood for. Plus at the table behind me, there was some 50 year old prick flirting at a table of three young women. He could have been some random drunk, he could have been their sugar daddy, I don't freaking know. I couldn't be around it. I needed to relax and just feel melancholy. The energy in the room wasn't fitting me. Part of me wanted a cheeseburger at Bobby Flays, but I just couldn't do it. Physically or mentally. I left the property at 10:30 and stepped out into the snowy night, before boarding the shuttle to take me back to the hotel.

Trip for my Grandfather, my prayer

Heavenly father, we gather today in a state of sorrow and in a state of mourning.

We are grieving the loss of a pastor, a veteran, a counselor, a friend, a father, and a grandfather.

Indeed we will miss Robert Bartlett's one of a kind presence in our lives.

We will miss his wisdom, his humor, his leadership, and his longing to serve his fellow man and serve you.

While we mourn, while we hurt, we also appreciate and celebrate a life well lived.
No question, he served you in his ministry and in his life loyally and faithfully.

So many lives he has impacted, those of us gathered today represent just a small fraction.

Lord, in your word we remember it says We were buried with you into death, so that as Christ was raised from the dead by the glory of the Father, we too might walk in newness of life.

And so we can know that a new life, one of glory and eternal joy, has now begun for Robert Bartlett

Your word also says For if we live, we live to the Lord, and if we die, we die to the Lord. So then, whether we live or whether we die, we are the Lord’s.

During his life, he walked with you for so many years, so many decades. And so we choose even in the midst of sorrow, to rejoice that on this day, he is walking with you, his heavenly father, closer than ever before. And we are comforted in knowing that he is yours, and he has his place in heaven with you today and forever.

And so Lord, we thank you for creating a special man

Thank you for this chance to honor him today.

Thank you for everyone present in this room.

In your gracious name we pray together. Amen

Yelp-Review of the Day-Zoe's Kitchen

Wow, fantastic place. Sure the prices aren't cheap, but you get quality on what you pay for. I got the steak kabobs with grilled potato salad and roasted vegetables. The steak was well charred, juicy on the inside, and it tasted great dipped in the garlicky Italian salsa verde. The potato salad had no mayo in it, but plenty of red wine vinaigrette, I liked the crust on the outside from the flat top grill. I only wish I had more of it. The roasted veggies are nothing short of fantastic. Zucchini, red onion, bell peppers, cherry tomatoes. Crisp-tender, well seasoned. These are what roasted veggies are supposed to taste like.

Yes they have some options that are pretty pricey, but there are reasonable options as well. My total with a drink was about 13 or 14 bucks. I don't mind paying an extra couple of dollars as long as as my portion size and food quality are satisfactory and this meal took care of both those interests. I can eat a lot, but even I had to take about half of the veggies home, they gave me a ton of them.

The food did take a little time to prepare, maybe 10 minutes, but I'm fine with that because that's a sign that food is being made fresh for the customer. I live across the street and it's a safe bet I will be back for more.

Plasma Donation

Oh my goodness, what did I just go through? I have donated plasma several times in the past, usually for a tshirt or a bright red drawstring bag, which I probably never used again. But this was the first time I had ever donated it for money. I expected a 2 hour procedure, well, little did I know how long it would take and how much I would be going through.

I arrived at the office in the Denbigh section of northern Newport News right around 8:40 in the morning and there were probably already 15 people sitting in the waiting room. I waited 40 minutes because the staff can only see one new patient every 20 minutes and two people were ahead of me in line. As requested, I submitted my driver's license and social security card, and waited to be called. Well, around 9:10, they gave me a binder of written material about the donation process to read, maybe 15 pages, but nothing radically different from what I've seen in previous donation centers. Then there was a video on a tablet that took nine minutes to watch

.

From there, I was called over to a side booth where a nurse began the procedure. After I stated my name and the last 4 numbers of my SSN, they took my temperature and then checked my blood pressure, and even took a fingerprint from both my index fingers. If that wasn't enough, they pricked my middle finger and checked it for protein levels and another factor I can't remember. Thankfully, I tested within the required levels, was asked again to state my name and the last 4 numbers of my SSN, and I then moved on to the next step.

The donating room was located in the back of the building, behind a locked door. It seemed like the goal was just to get into the room and each test I took was just one more step towards everything that room. But back to the screening. I then had to answer 65 questions on a kiosk about my lifestyle and medical history, none of which were going to be a problem on my end. Can't say I have heart issues, spent a decade in Europe, gotten a tattoo or piercing, or exchanged money for sex. I answered the questions and then had to give my fingerprint verification to enter my answers. Back to the chairs for waiting.

Five minutes later, it was onto the urine test. Yes, I had to piss in a cup in order to donate blood. I did my business, the result got examined, and I passed again. Onto the exam office, where I verified my name and my full SSN, this time.

The nurse then read out loud nine pages about the donation process that I had already gone through in the written binder at the beginning of my time in the office.  There was even a section about me risking death by donating. That was reassuring.

Then came the written test. Yes, that's right, a freaking written test just to have a needle stuck in my arm for an hour. 10 questions, I had two chances to get 80% correct. Well, I aced that sucker on my first attempt. Time to donate? Not quite. Onto the physical. Yep, a real physical. They aimed the flashlight into my eyes, ears, and nose. They hammered my knees, made sure I could move my neck up and down and then side to side,  examined my heart and lungs, and had me stick my tongue out and say "Ahh". Basically everything but making me turn my head and cough. I swear, I was waiting for a criminal background investigation and credit score check.

Before and after the physical, they checked my arms and elbows, I guess for track marks or scarring. I'm not sure why two checks instead of just one were needed, but whatever.

And finally, since I passed the physical, it was time for the donation room. Well, I had to sit another five minutes before actually getting called. I got hooked up to the machine, and was asked AGAIN to state my name and the last 4 numbers of my SSN. I swear they wanted me to fail. Despite not having a ton of water in my system, it probably took me 4 cycles of drawing the blood and returning the red blood back into me to complete the process.

Timewise, the donation procedure took a little over an hour. But the whole process took about 3 and a half hours, pretty ridiculous. I have to return again within a week to make another donation because without the second donation, nothing can be done with my first round of plasma.

I got paid $50 on a reloadable debit card. Basically every donation pays between 25 and 50 bucks depending on what number the file is making that month. When I told Mom about it, she said it made her sick. I asked her if it was over the needle, since that's what turns most people off from donating their blood. But that wasn't the reason she gave me. She said that she thinks I'm just hurting for money and I'm scrambling to get by. I had to explain to her that it wasn't the point. I'm not on welfare, thank you Jesus. Here's the deal. I have made the decision to pay off this student loan and get out of debt within this year. I am not above hustling and coming up with creative ways to make money in order to make that happen. It's a whole lot better then being bored and not having anything to do.

And here's the comparison that puts it in perspective. Later that night, I had three tables in my section at the restaurant and only made $41. That's 6 hours of work on my feet and I made the equivalent of freaking minimum wage.

One month in

1) I was just thinking about how it's the last year of the 2010's. I wonder what these recent decades will be remembered for. The 1970's have a feel about them, the 80's definitely have a feel about them, the 90's are starting to, with sporting events holding 90's themed events. But when we think of the 2000s or the 2010s, what's the distinctive style or art or cultural moments? What are the things that makes these times unique, memorable, or special? It doesn't seem as though there are too many of them.

2) Costco rotisserie chickens are maybe the best buy ever for $4.99. I can get four servings out of them. Or if i'm depressed... two servings.

3) I seriously want to get on airplane and start travelling again. At least when it's not for funerals. That might take until May.

4) Can baseball get here already. And then 2 months in, I'll be begging for my next sports heartache.

5) Fuck the New England Patriots and anyone evil enough to support them.

Six Goals

I think instead of making New Year's resolutions, which I was never inclined to do aside from a couple of idealistic years in high school, it's time for me to set some specific goals. If I'm going to become a better person, I need to be intentional about it, it's not just going to happen by me coasting into it. I don't want to be the same person in 5 years that I am now. I want to be better. I know January is halfway over, but 50 weeks is still pretty good. So I'm thinking to myself what are some goals in different areas of life that I could set that would be challenging, but attainable and would show some real personal growth...

Before I get into these, I'm thinking I should take a minute and figure out what areas of life could use goals. I can boil this down into six categories of life and I feel as though each one needs a goal. I was going to make just five, but that's just not enough in this case.

The first thing that comes to mind is finances. Finances have always been a little bit intimidating for me. I have seen so many money issues in my family and I would like to take control of it instead of it controlling me. So that is a definite part of my life to target.

As far as my career goes, it's hard for me to isolate anything besides general improvement. I'm not getting promoted, I don't expect to get much of a raise. More than anything, I want to earn the trust and respect of my colleagues.

My physical life is doing pretty well. I'm in pretty decent shape, I've even dropped a few pounds in the last few months. But I can be better. I would like to lose a few inches off my waist line. My food habits have been a little hard to change, and that's probably the first thing that I need to do in order to make that happen.

As far as mental goals are concerned, the challenge is coming up with something that's definitive and measurable. I could very easily say practice more positive self talk and not be so critical of myself. But as tough as I am on myself, that's never going to work. I want to come up with something different.

In terms of my spiritual life, I've kind of been coasting for a while. Yes I go to church, yes I volunteer, yes I'm in a community group, and I've even started giving a little money regularly! That took years to start. But I don't do a whole lot for myself. I certainly have my standards and my values, but I have slacked sorely on my devotion time and Bible reading. If I'm going to become more like the man God wants me to become, then I need to make time with him a priority again.

My social life is a tricky deal. I have neglected it over the last 6 months or so due to work reasons. Seems like most of my human interactions are either at work or on social media, definitely not the best way to go. So this is something that I can look to improve on.

With all those thoughts in mind, these are the six goals that I will focus on accomplishing between today and December 31, 2019, in other words, before I see 2020...

1. Financial
Pay off my final student loan

I have a shade under $5,000 to pay off from my Master's. With that sneaky interest amount always going up, it's pretty much right at $5,000 though! In 2015, I agreed to a 10 year repayment plan. It's about three years gone by now and I've paid about half of it off, so I'm already ahead of my minimum payment requirements by about 18 months. But I want to get even more aggressive. I want it paid off in less than one year. Now I've already paid $400 in January and plan to pay another $100 at the end of the month. So looking at the next 11 months, that's going to take $450 per month through December. Once that is done, I will be debt free.

On a side note, I've been living on a budget since last October. It's been a great thing for me and I plan to continue doing so for as long as I'm alive.

2. Career

Develop myself in this job where I am a valued member of the team and I gain increased responsibilities.

I can't make this about a raise or a promotion. I've been in this job for 6 and a half months. But it's only been in the last 3 months that I really started growing and coming into my own. I have good days and I have days when I'm scared, even when I shouldn't have to be. It's like I am now responsible for events that took place before I started here and that's a little daunting.

3. Physical
Reduce my waist to 30 inches

What I really want to say is I can see my six pack again. And this seems so far away. I have not seen it since I was in first or second grade. That's 30 years. I'm an Italian boy, I love my bread, what can I say. But I want to be able to go to the beach or pool and not have to suck in my gut. I know 33 inches isn't horrible, but it can be better. I just downloaded an app for a 30 day ab workout. While I'm sure it can help, it won't matter if I don't eat a proper diet.

Also, I have signed up to run two races on back-to-back days for the first time in my life. In downtown Norfolk in November, I will be running a 5K and then a 10K with just a 24 hour break in between.

4. Mental
Quit swearing to myself

I'm going to go out on a limb and say this will be the toughest one of all. I don't know if I'm ready to say I will quit swearing completely. But it's the idea of getting angry at myself. And it's not enough to just substitute different words. No, it's about the thoughts, the self-image. That's what has to be better. What does that mean? Not beating myself up for the mistakes I make. And when trouble comes, not acting like my independence is being snatched from me. And also not being angry at God when things are not going how they should.

This one is about perspective about how I see me and how I see God and how I see the world. Admittedly, I don't have a lot faith in the goodness of people.

5. Spiritual

Complete a 1 year a Bible reading plan and record what convicts me

Bible reading is exactly what I need to start doing. Yes, I want to commit more scripture to memory. I pretty much have four verses memorized right now. Now I admit I missed the whole month of January. So I'll start it in February and go through January 1.

6. Social
Make 5 new local friends

Now when I say this, the word "local" is vital. I am leaving out social media connections. Those are too easy to fall back on and while I have made many friends through them, it has become a crutch and I don't really want more computer-based friends. I'm talking about making friends that I can go out and do things with. They have me over to their place, I can have them over to mine.

Race and prejudice

I was really looking forward to Sunday. Working out, church, some time relaxing in downtown Norfolk, then ice skating at the Scope, followed by a holiday party with the crew from Tucano's at a bowling alley.

So I ran my 5 miles, and I made a pineapple cucumber lime protein smoothie which was really great. I go out to my car and the door is cracked open. And my day pretty much shattered at that point. Someone broke into my car and stole $100 worth of gift cards. Most of those had come from my mother. There was still $30 to Target, $25 to a movie theater, $20 to Outback, and about $30 left for Kojl's. All gone. Because a couple of low life thiefs.  At the end of the day, I'm lucky that other things in the car were not stolen such as my winter hat and gloves, or any charging cords. I know a $100 is not the biggest deal in the world, but it reinforces my opinion of how self serving most people are by nature.

But here's what scared me. My instinct was the thieves were thuggish black people who live in a nearby building. I had no proof. I had no evidence. It was just my first thought.

I had to face an ugly truth. I have prejudice in me.  And I'm facing that reality on Martin Luther King weekend. Now I have no issue with people of other races as long as they act with respect and dignity. But I'm not going to automatically dislike somebody because they're of a different skin color or nationality. Where I live, it's much more racially mixed then other places I have lived. And I like being around people of different races, it opened my eyes up to different perspectives on the world and on life. But I just don't have any time or interest in associating with people who say things and do things that are disrespectful, harmful, and ignorant. More specifically, people who use specific slurs. In my eyes, respect is not assumed. Rather, you earn respect in how you treat others and how you treat yourself. And when I hear the N word flying in the workplace, to me it's just immature and ignorant. I don't want be around people who do that.

So what do I do going forward? I think one truth that I have to face is that I'm not going to click with everybody I meet and that's OK. Some will have different ways of speaking different ways of living and different kinds of communicating that I may just not be compatible in terms of being their friend. But I can look deeper than the way they speak or dress and maybe find out who they are on a little bit deeper level. If I want to be better at connecting with different kinds of people, I need to make the 1st move and show them that I am intrested in their story and who they are and how they think and feel. So maybe I can make a better effort at that.

Come to think of it, we have that work party tonight, and a lot of people who work at Tucanos are very different than me. Maybe tonight is an opportunity; of course, the AFC championship game is tonight, so if the Chiefs win, then I will be much more likely to be able to do that.I don't know if I'm strong enough to overcome Satan winning another AFC title.

Welcome to 2019

This is my 1st post of the New Year. It's 12:30 on a Saturday night. Well now I guess it's Sunday morning. But at what time does Saturday night really turn into Sunday morning? Technically I guess it would be midnight, but I really don't know if that's the case. Maybe about 2 or 3:00 a.m. depending on your lifestyle.

I really hope and pray for my mother that she makes a decision on where she wants to go. I really want her to leave Chicago and find a place where she will be happy. She has so many opportunities and options in front of her and she just needs to start putting one foot in front of the other. She has two pensions, she has social security, she has tour season coming up, but still, she's alone. And as spontaneous as she is, it amazes me how much she is procrastinating making a decision. It's one of those things where if she puts it off, I know she's going to regret it come that next cold Chicago Winter. But here I sit 1500 miles away, and I can't do this for her, all I could do is talk to her. She has been through so much crap in her life, I want her to be happy so badly.  But I can't do any of this for her.

By the way, to everybody who brought a ticket for the NXT Durham, North Carolina show today, go screw yourselves, because I really wanted to go.

I started using the Every Dollar app in October to keep track of the money that I was spending. I admit I can be insecure about money. After what it has done to both of my parents, how could it not. I promised myself years ago that I would be as responsible as I could be, even though the idea of spending frivolously and being broke terrifies me and there are a lot of things about it that I don't know.  I don't know about investing, retirement plans, and all of that. About the only thing I do know is live within means.

But all of a sudden, I feel like I have a good feel for what I am spending money on and where I can save money. I am a saver by nature and having the app and having a budget in front of my face is reinforcing that for me. But what's really exciting is I feel like I can really get aggressive repaying my student loan off. I really am realizing that interest takes a toll. The sooner I pay it off, the better. Even though I was ahead on paying the 10 year loan, I want to get even more aggressive. My goal was to pay it off by the time I reached 40 years old, which would have been 6 years. Now, that is not good enough for me. I want to pay it off with in five years of my graduation, when I would turn 39.  That's probably going to take about $400 a month for the next 13 months. I made the 1st $400 payment on New Year's Day. Let's see what happens.

I'm 37 years old, and one of the servers at work, was convinced that I was probably 24 or 25 years old. Somehow I keep fooling them, I don't know how, I know it's not genetics!

I still wonder if there's a better brewery in Virginia than Starr Hill and Blue Mountain up near Charlottesville. There's nothing in Hampton Roads that can come really that close to both of them. There are a few places around here still to try, but that mountain experience is just special.

I signed back up for DDP yoga after 2 years away. I'm actually at 166 pounds, the least that I have weighed in maybe 10 years. But I feel like I need a little more flexibility and maybe it would help heal my left shoulder and my right hip, both of which have a little pain. As much running as I'm doing now, I want to keep myself loose and flexible. And I think this will be a wise investment. Plus, now that I have a smart TV, I can sync the app on my phone up to the TV. Oh and I can see my heart rate with the Bluetooth monitor. So now, I will know exactly how hard I am working and if I need to dial it back or push myself a little harder.

Now I need to vent on a different topic for a second. I guess this is what compelled me to write so late at night. And this is going to be under the influence of Jack Daniels and lemonade/tea. That girl I was talking to in December to mention she was casually starting to see somebody. It turns out she got engaged the day before New Year's Eve. So she went from starting to see a guy, according to her, to getting engaged within one month of making that statement to me. What a lying piece of trash she turned out to be.

That might sound harsh, actually I know it is harsh, but I just have no patience for dishonesty. My patience has absolutely run out for love.

Say goodbye to love. No one ever cared if I should live or die. Time and time again, the chance for love has passed me by and all I know of love is how to live without it. I just can't seem to find it. Thank you, Karen Carpenter. You were a visionary.

Substandard teppanyaki

Dear Lord in heaven, where do I start with this terrible experience? We arrived on a Sunday night before Christmas, around 7:30. We were told by the host, who didn’t smile once and sounded as robotic as Al Gore on sedatives, that there would be a 4- minute wait. It was a long time to wait, but we were in the mood for teppanyaki, so we agreed, took a pager, and took two stools at the adjoining bar.

The bar area floor was dirty with straw wrappers scattered on the ground. How difficult is it for a manager or busser or server to walk by and pick stuff up. It just shows a lack of pride and caring. We ordered a couple of mojitos, they tasted fine. They were made with sake as well as white rum, so they had a little extra punch. Pretty good mojito, but one was enough for me. After 15 minutes, the pager buzzed. So they overdelivered, which sounds good. But the amount of time they quoted was so long that we nearly left, when in reality, it only took a third of that time for us to get a table.

We got sat with six other folks, took waters to go with our mojitos, and then waited to place our order. And we waited. And waited. It took about 10-12 minutes for the server to be ready to take our orders. The thing with the server is she didn’t even smile. Maybe it was stress, or the end of a long day, but my goodness, can’t you try to create a happy and positive atmosphere for your guests? We’re spending a lot of money to eat here, make it feel like a worthwhile investment!

The waits weren’t over yet though. The first course was, of course, miso soup. And from the time we sat down to the time the soup arrived, we waited 33 minutes, and yes we checked the clock. We had not eaten in nine hours, so that time felt even longer. She did apologize to the table, but couldn’t she have asked a manager or someone to assist her?

We also noticed a table that got sat after us had their chef start to prepare their dinner even before we received our salads. At this point, we were considering leaving, but decided to hang on. Our chef, Lucas, came over just before the salads were brought out. The timing was so off and I don’t know if that’s on management or the wait staff.

Anyway, the salads were very enjoyable, and I liked the ginger dressing very much. And thankfully, Lucas was an entertaining chef between the onion flame and making the girl who was celebrating her birthday feel welcome (although she had less emotion and personality than the host at the stand) by giving her first dibs on the food and extra portions.

The vegetables, fried rice, and shrimp appetizer all tasted great. I did get a huge amount of rice though, but I was able to finish it; I guess that’s what nine of hours of waiting can do. For the entrée, I ordered the filet mignon and salmon. I ordered it medium, and while it tasted really tender and juicy, There was very little char on the steak. Mom complained of too much garlic on hers, so I wound up eating her portion. The salmon was ok, but nothing special. I poured a good amount of yum yum sauce on top for some more flavor.

About halfway through the dinner, I asked for a refill on my water and a girl next to me asked for a refill on her Dr. Pepper. Fifteen minutes later, nothing had arrived. At that point, we just looked at each other and exchanged that head shake as if to say, “Yeah we ain’t getting this drinks are we?” The drinks never did arrive. Once we finished, we paid cash and just got out of there.

The meal tasted just fine; I appreciate Lucas’ charisma and skills. But that wasn’t enough to salvage our time at this establishment. The overall experience can best be described as disappointing and substandard. That’s not due to poor food, it's about deficient customer service and and lack of customer care.

Break time

Thanks to Michael Jr. for the title. Fifteen minutes left in my break. I need to say a few things. I'm glad that I have my one judgment-free zone.

1) Two things I have no patience for from other people are being lied to and being bullied. The simple fact id A.C. misled me, which to me,  is equal to lying. You don't say you're starting to see someone and then the next day tease a freaking engagement.  And now her asshole boyfriend, who's an administrator of the Facebook group where I met her, wants to yield his power, but I already blocked him. If he is so insecure about getting blocked, then that's his own issue, not mine. But I don't need a lecture from somebody who does not know the first thing about me and is going to judge my character.

2)  So culinary is one of the departments within the schools umbrella that I work at.  Clearly, one of the classes they don't teach is customer service. From the cafe downstairs, I ordered a pimiento grilled cheese sandwich with bacon and pickles. They ran out of tomatoes, so of course there was an ingredient missing as there almost always is at this cafe. And then when I didn't like the sandwich, they only offered to get me a different food item.  I've never had a sandwich in there that I've been a big fan of. They did not offer a gift card or my money back or anything like that. But it was a complete lack of understanding the customer's request. Very disappointing.

3) My right thumb got sliced open nice and wide on broken glass. All because I tried to save my McClure's pickles. It took me one full hour to control the bleeding, let alone stop it. I'd never been to an Urgent Care facility, but I gave in. No stitches, but I got a tetanus shot, X-rays, poor bandaging, and a $32 antibiotic that is making me feel bloated.

4) Off this weekend from the restaurant. And I'm thrilled. I still work three basketball games, so I'll probably make about the same amount of money for 6 hours of work that I would've made for 12 hours of work while having to be on my feet at the restaurant.

5) Making my banana pudding for the first time in over a year. Can't wait.

Into December

I didn't see last night coming. I wasn't even supposed to be at Bible study; I was scheduled to be scoring a Stratford basketball game. But the night prior, I received word that the game had been changed to a road game and so I was able to attend Bible study group. And I'm certainly glad that I was able to do so.

After studying the second half of Colossians 3, the guys and girls departed to their respective places for quiet time, just the same as every week. David, our leader, asked for the floor, which I found a little odd, since he usually prefers someone else goes first. As he spoke, I could sense trouble in his voice and distress on his face. He told us that one of the married couples in our group was separating, and was likely going to divorce in the near future. I didn't expect it, I had no indications that anything was wrong, other than that Andrew wasn't present that week. It's strange, I haven't spent time with the two of them, but of all the married couples in the group, I felt like I related most closely to them in terms of personalities, likes, dislikes, etc. Even though we have a good sized group of about 10 or so people most weeks, when we break in half for guy/girl time, the loss of anyone feels noticeable. And losing him would be a difficult blow to recover from, between his humor and how approachable he was. And it doesn't sound right to use the past tense. But I fully expect him to not only leave the group, but possibly the Hampton Roads area in general. I've heard him often speak of his negative feelings on Virginia. This just gives him the out that he might be wanting, even if it's not through the ideal circumstances.

I prayed a prayer I've never prayed before. "God, please take away my desire to date." I'm tired of the hurt and the frustration. And the sad part is it could be almost any woman. Doesn't matter her age, her location...ok, I do care about her mental health, looks, and faith. But I can get so resentful when I see or hear about a new relationship. And I'm going so back and forth on this. I value my independence, because I've wanted it for so long, I waited till I was 35 to leave home. Know what I'm thinking it is? I'm still looking for that acceptance that I'm struggling to find in myself, and I look to a woman in order to have it. That's not a fair burden to put on a woman. If I can't accept myself, if I can't see myself as God sees me, then no human approval is ever going to satisfy me. I know this is the truth, but inside, I also know that I don't own it yet. It's not part of my core. And the sooner I can do this, the sooner I can become a more confident, content man.

Ok, I think that's enough self-reflection for one post. Now I'm going to ramble about randomness. I purchased my first Smart TV this past weekend. 43 inches from LG. It's just the right size for my living room and while it may not sound too large, upgrading from 28 inches to 43 is enormous. I've figured out YouTube. Unfortunately, I don't think it has WWE network installed, so I may have to run that either through my smartphone or computer. But I'm wondering if I need to subscribe to Netflix, hulu, Amazon prime, or some other streaming service in order to justify this purchase. I don't care about the original series; I don't have the time or interest to binge watch a bunch of series. Just give me good movies and documentaries and I'm satisfied.

Mom sent me a 3 piece table and chairs. Oh my gosh, what a headache this is turning into. The kit includes these cast bolts which are like large Phillips head screws with spiral locks on the bottom. I've already broken three and need to have a new set of hardware sent to me so I can complete the table. At least I got both chairs together inside of an hour.

Why do I do this to myself? I swore off going to road games to watch my team play. I feel as though they're not even fun anymore. As soon as my teams trail, I pretty much think it's over. It's honestly amazing that I've never been kicked out of a stadium or arena before. So now that it's the offseason and I'm bored at work, I start checking the Mets schedule and planning trips on my own and with the 7 Line Army. I'm looking at Kansas City, Cincinnati, Minneapolis, Philadelphia, and Washington DC.
Why am I doing this? It must be for the travel. I can't think of another reason that's valid.

I'm listening to the Babe Ruth biography on audio and while it's incredibly detailed, it is so hard to follow. Reading a biography that's non-chronological is fine, but when it's out of order and jumps around so frequently, it becomes much more difficult. And this is a 23 hour listen, and I'm only 6.5 hours into it.  

Virginia Jets Fans changed venues. We left Keagan's due to food quality and complaints of their regulars. Instead, we moved less than ten minutes down the road to Cali's, a small new establishment located in a strip mall. It's a sports bar that clearly used to be an Asian restaurant, since the bar looks like a sushi station. Their wings are really good, I think the chef uses rice flour to get that light crispy coating. The parking is far better, no more garages and elevators and 2 hour limits. There is certainly less ambience without the Irish vibe that Keagans provided. Also, we can't really control the volume up and down during commercial breaks like we could at Keagan's. But the viewing experience is better with additional TV's too. I think it's a positive a positive change after one week.

Well, tonight I return to the sidelines for Stratford basketball. I only hope I remember how to track the stats like I was doing before. Because there's no warmup, there's no exhibition season. It's right back into the fire tonight at 7 pm. And I'm getting paid $40 for two hours of work. A typical Friday night at Tucano's typically nets me around $45, give or take $5 either way. So I'm not on my feet and I'm working half the amount of time. It's a no brainer in my mind.

Frenetic

Work has been kind of taking over my day to day life and I really don’t even mind that. People complain constantly about wanting to go home and what day of the week it is or isn’t. It’s not that I’m in love with my jobs, but maybe they’re a convenient distraction from me being alone with nothing on my mind but my own thoughts, which are getting harder and harder to control.

The mind is a funny thing. I thought as I got older, I would get better at managing my thought processes. But instead, I constantly struggle with rejection, self-pity, and fear of losing everything that I’ve worked for. And then when I struggle to regulate my mind, I only get more upset. It’s a constant cycle of inner frustration.

Keeping myself busy isn’t going to remedy the problem and I know that. Willpower doesn’t work. To address the issue at hand, it requires something deeper than that, more core-focused than that.

Strange thing is I am feeling more and more confident at my day job. Ever since I moved away from the boss and down the hall into the office where my colleagues work, I’ve learned a lot more. The reason for that is because I’m doing the tasks that they were already doing. That’s nothing against the boss at all, it’s just that I’m now surrounded by people who are doing work that I’m doing, so it’s more relatable.

I shouldn’t be too shocked that Stratford reached out to me last month. When an employee is reliable and does their job well, the good people remember. And so, I believe it was on Halloween afternoon when the assistant athletic director called me, asking if I’d come back and do live basketball statistics. Truth be told, I’d rather do the basketball games. It’s $50 guaranteed for two hours of work. And certainly on some nights, I would make more waiting tables. But that’s for five hours of work while walking constantly without a break. And there have been many Friday nights when I’ve walked out of the building with closer to $40 or $45 in my pocket. From what I can tell, there are only four games that conflict with my restaurant shifts on Friday and Saturday nights. So to me, the choice isn’t very complicated.

Also, I applied for a freelance gig editing English papers. I’ve already turned in my paperwork and completed my sample. Although I’m a little bit alarmed that on my background check, it showed both my driving citations from the last year. Now personally I don’t think that missing a stop sign and one speeding ticket should disqualify me from earning $12 an hour by checking a student’s ability to develop a thesis statement. But we’ll see if anything comes of it.

So add it all up and I’m facing the possibility of working four jobs every week. And it doesn’t even scare or overwhelm me.

I'm getting bitter at the thought of romantic love. Almost every time there’s a new engagement or a new relationship being posted on social media, I feel ill inside. It doesn’t matter who the girl is. I don't see it changing. And I don’t want to feel that way. There is a part of me that wants to not care anymore. I have lived in the crush zone most of my life. Looking for the girl who I could have hope that something could work out. It would frequently lead to disappointment though. And almost all of the girls who I have dated, I settled for them. I thought to myself recently that life would be pretty good if I my biggest hurt in life was related to those kinds of relationships not working out. I still want and need friends. That will never change, I’m not trying to be a hermit here. Maybe all of this is why I'm pouring myself into working.

I can’t believe it took me two weeks to finally write about the Wicked 10k in Virginia Beach. Rain had been forecasted all week. I had never run a race in the rain and I certainly didn’t want to start while running the farthest I’d ever attempted in my life outdoors. On the 45-minute drive to Virginia Beach in the dark, there was some steady sprinkling, but once I crossed over the tunnel and into Norfolk, there weren’t any real problems. I had woke up at 5:00 a.m. and ate an almond butter sandwich and a banana.

I picked up my packet inside the Virginia Beach Convention Center, dropped my dry bag off at the booth, and was given a women’s shirt instead of a men’s. Of course, I didn’t think enough to check the gender. Let’s just say the neck line was down way too low for me.

I tried to run at a steady 7.5 mph, or 8 minutes a mile. The only checkpoint I had was at the halfway mark of 3.12 miles. I crossed that line at 24:37, for a 7:26 pace. By this point, I was running south on the boardwalk, past the Neptune statue, and I knew it would be a challenge to maintain that pace for 25 more minutes. But one thing I know about by Billy to run is that I'm a good finisher. I didn't feel myself speeding up, but clearly I did. Because by mile 5 I barely had anything left in the tank. I was so fatigued, that I began skipping as I worked my way on to Pacific Avenue for the last mile.

 The tricky part with the course was due to the change because of the expected weather, we weren't finishing with a straight away run down the boardwalk, we were finishing by running around the convention center of period so when I thought I was right at the end, I would have to make another turn and then another. I probably had 2 or 3 quick stops in the last half mile and I probably power walked for about 5 seconds. Eventually I got a steady jog going again and I was able to maintain that jog for the last quarter mile across the finish line. I don't even know if I saw my time, probably because I was so exhausted. But I took my banana, water, and finishing medal, of course I passed on the chocolate chip granola bar and headed inside for the party and vainly tried to catch my breath. 

Panting, I reclaimed my bag with my cell phone inside and checked for my alerts. I had two text messages, one with my midway time and then the second with my finishing time. I opened the text and I could hardly believe it. 

48:52

I thought I was going to finish around 55 minutes as I was hitting the wall. But I beat my goal over a minute. And I don't think it'll be my last 10k race. I don't know how much farther I could push my body. A 10 miler maybe, if I could learn to go slow. A half marathon, I don't know. My whole thing is they only had soup for food there. There should have been a couple of food trucks too. I gladly would have paid for a couple of sliders at that moment.

Song pick: "Quits" Gary Stewart

Fall Closing In

Fifty degrees and windy on a Sunday in mid October. It's feeling like fall today in coastal Virginia... and I neglected to bring a jacket.

One of the biggest changes I've made in my life over the last couple of weeks, no it actually is the biggest, is I am following a financial budget. I knew who Dave Ramsey is, I've even heard him speak once.  But I decided to start watching some of his videos and it gave me the urgency to get rid of my student loan. Now granted, it's not a whole lot at this point, but it would be very nice to have that burden off my shoulders. It's on a ten year plan, but if I could get rid of it in 5 or 6 years total, why not?

So I downloaded everydollar.com,  And now I'm recording literally every purchase that I make and every dollar that comes in.  I feel much more accountable and also I feel like I have a lot more purpose because I know where each dollar is going and what I have to work with. And I'm sure I'll adjust the numbers as different months go by, but I think this is a really valuable tool.

I saw Michael Jr's film, More Than Funny, last Thursday. It was pretty fantastic, especially the bit where he talks about how white people tend to give their dogs human names and black people tend to give their dogs non human names. But there were also several human stories that demonstrated the power of doing something for somebody else.  From the artist, to the man helping homeless people, to the Nissan NV for the family of 16. And that's why it was more than funny.

With Friday off, I went to Williamsburg for a few hours.  Besides getting my hair cut, I went to Amber Ox for the 2nd time. It's a public house and brewery, but with a little bit of Southern flair. I had a BLT with seared pork belly. The pork belly works better than bacon because it's so thick and it doesn't get overwhelmed by the other ingredients. From there, I made a stop at Whitley's for some peanuts. I got their health fusion mix, the barbecue bourbon, a party mix for small group, and a gift pack for my father. I really wanted to get the salt and pepper cashews,  if only they were available to sample.

A few other things I want to say. It amazes me that I have social media "friends" who only contact me when they're annoyed or upset with me. Constructive criticism can be very beneficial. But I'm absolutely tired of people who only talk to me with the intention of expressing their displeasure. If that's all they're going to do, then don't waste my time. Because that's not a friendship.

Can't wait for Creed 2. At this rate, that may be the highlight of my Thanksgiving.

Handsome Biscuit may be the best eatery in all of Norfolk, Virginia. I came in the middle of a Saturday afternoon and the line was out the door. Of course, this isn't the biggest building in the world, so the line is going to find its way out the door quite quickly. I ordered two sandwiches, the Stevie and the AC Slawter.

The Slawtwer has their pulled pork (which had a tangy, almost apple flavor to it), Lupo hot sauce, and apple slaw on the sweet potato biscuit. Fantastic combo and a delicious mess. The biscuit almost held up even though there was a pile of meat and slaw on it. The hot sauce had a lot of flavor, it wasn't overly spicy. The cider vinegar and honey kept it from overwhelming the other ingredients.

The Stevie was crazy good. Their fried chicken is big, crispy, juicy, and well seasoned...all necessary requirements. The house pickles were great. I'm not usually a fan of really grainy mustard, but the honey helped keep the sandwich balanced.

The lemon bar brulee was a really good dessert. The crust is made of shortbread and it even has a little bit of thyme, which adds an earthy, almost nutty flavor to the bar. And big props for the iced teas. They have flavored sweeteners in house. I opted for the lemon ginger and it made one of the best Arnold Palmers I've drank in a long time.

Oh and their most expensive sandwich is around $7. There's no legit reason to not check this place out. It's tremendous.

Sammy Kershaw setlist

Louisiana Hot Sauce
Haunted Heart
Meant to Be
She Don't Know She's Beautiful
Anywhere But Here
Yard Sale
He Stopped Loving Her Today
Blues Got Me
Love of My Life
Matches
Baby's Got Her Blue Jeans On
Chevy Van
Are You Sure Hank Done It This Way
National Working Woman's Holiday
Cadillac Style
Third Rate Romance
Vidalia
Gimme Back My Bullets
What a Wonderful World
Queen of My Double Wide Trailer