Summer drifting by

1) So this is my birthday week. It's #38, and thankfully I still can convince people that I'm in my 20s. I don't have any specific plans for that day, well, besides blood and work. But the Jim Gaffigan show will be the next night in Norfolk, so it's something to look forward to.

2) Wow, I have a coffee date on Tuesday with a cop. She offered to give me her number before I even asked for it. It's pretty amazing how it happens so easily with some, while some others make it impossible to have a conversation or to ever get together.

3) I baked blueberry lemon pecan bread this past week. Really thought about taking it into work, but I think I'm just gonna hold onto this one for myself, freeze it, and give a little bit away at a time when the moment is right.

4)  It's so weird that I brought a grapefruit for the 1st time in 2 years today. I've always liked them, but I've never had the craving for one. Then again I don't know too many people who wake up and crave grapefruits,  I think pretty much anybody who eats grapefruits regularly is doing it because they will feel healthier about themselves.

5)  I try to convince myself I can have the air conditioner off in the summer time, until it is time to go to sleep in my bedroom which does not have a ceiling fan. And then going to sleep takes me about 30 minutes of tossing and turning.

Something about being off on a Friday

1) Well, mom is moved into her new apartment in North Carolina. It was 5 days that basically can be summarized this way... driving, unpacking, heavy lifting, and shopping. She told me I went above and beyond, but the way I see it, I can't go above and beyond for her. She deserves everything I can give her. Because she'd have done the same for me.

2) I have absolutely no joy for the United States women's soccer team winning the World Cup. Because with that arrogant,  disrespectful bitch MR absolutely mocking this country, she absolutely ruined it. I'm convinced Sue Bird has CTE or some kind of irreparable brain damage to spend a time with such a horrible human being.

3)  But enough of the queers and dykes. I'm getting back into softball after 7 or 8 years away. I don't know what it is, but playing baseball strains my legs like no other activity, not even all out sprinting.  I seriously I need to figure out a way to keep my calves loose and my hip flexors pain free. But in the exhibition game, I had 6 hits in 6 at bats, so maybe my swing is getting better with time. Eh, it's probably my raw power...

4) When she says she wants you, but you know it's only because she's desperate to be in a relationship and it has little if anything to do with you specifically... hard pass.

5)  I will always continue to support Ring of Honor wrestling even if it's not the cool trendy promotion to follow anymore. F the haters.

Song pick: "Baby Put the Hurt On Me" Midland

I'm really trying this

1) So earlier this week, I made a decision to enter a hot dog eating contest. Basically a friend of mine has a friend who owns a new hot dog joint in Virginia Beach, they're looking for contestants, and I decided to give it a shot. I've basically in the middle of 48 hours of training where I am eating 99% fruits and vegetables and drinking the equivalent of the Mississippi River in water. Lettuce, celery, peppers, spinach, kale, and watermelon.  And I have become an expert on the conversion of ounces to pints and quarts. I have drink so much water that I have become physically uncomfortable. My Max out meal is in one hour, eating basically what I just described, except more of it. I really have no idea how many hot dogs I'll be able to eat in 30 minutes tomorrow, but why not go for it?

2)  As disappointing as my experience was being alone at the Guy Fieri pizza parlor opening, I enjoyed my experience at the taco dive just as much. Free food and drinks for 2 hours, a wall of hot sauces, homemade salsas, pickled vegetables, and a wall covered, with cassette tapes, vinyl records, and compact discs. I was halfway searching on the walls around looking for VCR tapes.  And the tacos were excellent, I especially enjoyed the carne asada and the al pastor. Only wish I'd found the shrimp diablo.

3)  I guess I'm just wired in a way to stand up for the underdog. Whether that's certain sports teams, wrestling promotions, entertainment, political views, human rights views, I guess a have a heart for the oppressed, the rejected, and the misunderstood.

4)  Very happy for mom that she's moving to Cary again after 16 years away. I pray for her health, happiness, and joy in this next phase of her life. She's earned it.

5) Maybe the fakest thing in the world is how love is portrayed in movies and on TV. In real life, it's about impossible to find, way harder to keep, and you have to do everything perfectly to keep a good person with you.

Midweek thoughts

1. There are only really two bad things about getting a tan. One, the risk of sunburn. Two, the gray hairs on my chest become much easier to spot.

2. Richard Jeni was right. Every city has one station on the radio simply designed to make lonely people kill themselves. Nothing but love songs.

3. The Mets are absolutely despicable. Distinctly mediocre at best. I am relieved I have tickets for only one more game this season. And this is just another reason why it's smart for me to work Friday and Saturday night. What else would I be doing? I'd be following these crappy games, and following these dummies on social media who are also following these games.

4. Mom's moving to Cary NC in July. I'm just glad she's getting out of Chicago.

5. I have made my final student loan payment of $612. Over $11,000 paid in just under 4 years, $6,400 was in the last nine months alone. I am officially... debt...freeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!

Lonestar setlist

Saturday Night
No News
Tequila Talking
Running Away With My Heart
Lonely Grill
Everything's Changed/Unusually Unusual/Come Crying to Me/You Walked In
You're Like Coming Home
Mountains
Shallow
My Front Porch Looking In
Mr. Mom
I'm Already There
Walking in Memphis
What About Now
With Me
Out Go the Lights
I'm In A Hurry/Take It Easy/ Roll On/Already Gone/ Mountain Music
Amazed

Freestyle on Connections

You know I didn't grow up with a sister or a brother
All I had was a father and a mother
Took me a long time to learn to to play with the others
Had to keep my fears and struggles under cover

Man, in my mid 20s through mid 30s, I grew
Made so many friends true, oh, how the time flew with the crew
Each week filled with hopes and promises new

Then I decided to leave, I knew my time was done
Had a great run, but it just wasn't as much fun
Took a chance, flying towards the sun

Found a group in church, we grew so fast
But with kids, divorce, and job changes, we didn't last
From 18 people to 6 in 2 months, just like that we're in the past
Still leaves me aghast

I meet some folks, I'm waiting on a call back, even a text
What did I do wrong, did I not impress?
No invites to any events
I'm stuck back in the sane old mess

Social media, man, it can be such a drain
These keyboard warriors, dishing out pain
The hate spewed out is driving me insane
You get blocked when you go against the grain

Nobody's gonna just come and knock on my door
It's on me to put myself out more
So what am I waiting for?

Looking for those local that I can call friends
Ones that will never ever end
The times together we'd spend
God, that's what I'm asking you, to me, to send

The search goes on...

Another 5 quick hits

1) This has been a pretty tough month on my budget. It seems as though almost halfway through May, I ran out of grocery money. Then again, when I stocked up on liquor and Whitley's nuts, I guess that took care of that. And I only did two blood donations in the first 20 days or so of the month, so I'm picking that up to try to get some extra cash for expenses. And June won't be a whole lot easier as I start with a $74 charge for mom's Mother's Day gift.

2) I had absolutely no idea what to do for Memorial Day. I mean, I never have a day where I have absolutely no commitments. And that includes Sundays, which involve church and then sometimes the Jets. But this Monday, I have absolutely nothing to do and I can do what I choose. I decided to go tubing down the James River. I haven't gone tubing in many years, but I'm really looking forward to it.

3) If a phone charger is advertised as being a wireless charger, wouldn't that imply that you don't need a plug and outlet in order to charge it? Sure, you'll need to charge the charger, but once that's powered up... tech companies, does this not make sense?

4) In some exciting news, it looks as though we have found a buyer for our house in St. Charles. I really hope mom find some place to retire where she can be content and happy. I know her standards are way up there, so it's difficult for her. But after all the crap she has been through in the last 20 years, she really deserves to be happy for her remaining years. And I hope that's a lot more years.

5) On my way to Citi Field. I've got about 45 minutes until I board the plane from Virginia to LaGuardia. And hopefully afterwards,  I'll get to meet a certain girl who I've been talking to in the last week. It's one of those where I would really like it to work out, but I've been disappointed and let down so many times, that I don't want to get my hopes up.

Back to Chi town, part 3

Cleaners to get my suit

Picked up potted plants at Lowe's with mom

She's pretty desperate to get this house sold

But it's not as if she has her next residence picked out

Thankfully, we didn't fight on this trip

Drop off at the Courtyard hotel in Arlington Heights

McAllister's catered the pre-wedding at the chapel

Tried to show one of the guys how to tie a tie

I'm amazed there are men in their 30's who don't know how

Two of the other ushers could've passed for Aiden English and Rusev

The wedding went about as well as it could've, only about 30 minutes

I got to read 1 Corinthians 13

The pastor used about 4 or 5 Star Wars references

Lindsay's 3 year old son was the ring bearer and he's an absolutely awesome kid.

Off to the reception where I mainly drank red wine

After Matt and his mom did their dance, the Rangers goal song came on, so of course, I had to sing the "Let's Go Rangers"

Natalie and I then left for Hart's birthday party at Pac Man Entertainment

I only stayed a half hour, but I saw so many old friends.

I was nearly in tears, but I couldn't bring myself to cry. 

These people comprised the bulk of my social life for eight years.

Michael, Mario, Jennifer, Kim, Jeff, Christina, etc

The next morning, I went to the private breakfast buffet at the hotel and watched the newly married couple open their gifts

Everybody in the room looked like they were ready to fall over and pass out asleep. 

We stayed in the room a little late and missed church, bad job.

After a quick Starbucks run, she dropped me off at Kuma's in Schaumburg

Met up with Q

He's never been one to talk about his personal life, but I could tell he needed an escape and he was thankful I provided that for him

Unfortunately he was wearing all Cubs gear, including a 2016 ring.

Amazing burgers

He dropped me off at O'Hare around 1 pm

I got bumped off two nonstop flights and there was no way to connect to Philly or Charlotte, unless I left at 11 pm and even then, the Monday morning flights to Virginia looked terrible

Slept overnight in this God forsaken airport

Time to hit up the Admirals Club

Four glasses of red wine, topped off with a Budweiser for dessert

I got the last seat on the first nonstop the next morning

My alternative was to fly to Richmond an hour later, rent a car, drive to Norfolk, get my bag and car, and drive back north to Newport News and go to work for a couple of hours

As it turned out, I arrived around 11:30 and the boss was understanding.

Just had a lot more time to make up during the week

Back to Chi town, part 2

Friday was for downtown and the rehearsal
On my drive to Rosemont, I got stopped by a freight train on Stearns Rd
Some things truly never change

Blue line from Rosemont

There was the slightest chill outside

Only fitting weather for springtime in Chicago

First stop was Do-Rite donuts in the Theater district

Cinnamon raised

Meyers lemon pistachio
Milk

Headed to the Riverwalk to enjoy the view and the first donut

Chicago Vietnam Memorial was there also

The plan was to visit the Museum of Broadcast Communications at 10 am, when they opened.

It was only 9:15 at the time, so I had a little while to kill.

Walked up the Magnificent Mile and Michigan Ave

Saw way too many Cubs logos

Clear day

360 Chicago observatory, formerly just the Hancock tower

Took loads of photographs

Walked back south to Kidzie St

Museum of Broadcast Communications is closed till late May

So I decided it was time to eat again.

Piece for New Haven style pizza

Bacon, clams, and roasted peppers

Absolutely divine

Took the train to the Museum campus

Photos

JP Graziano

Mr. G sandwich

Good to be recognized

Blue line back to my car

Drove to the Alpine Chapel for the wedding rehearsal

Finished off the cinnamon donut in the parking lot

Rehearsal dinner at Onion Pub

Burgers, brats, chicken breasts, chips, veggies, and cookies

Plenty of meat

Maybe 50 of us

Saw Lindsay and Natalie again

Got my gifts from the groom

Tie and socks 

Star Wars tie

Ironic considering I've never seen any of the films

Back to Chi town, part 1

I really am amazed that I allowed myself to get so stressed this morning. I let it first happen in the Norfolk airport parking garage, one of the most confusing I've ever seen. I got stuck behind a female senior citizen, driving a bright red Chevy, and she was driving at the speed of a confused turtle.

Then it happened again in the ticket line. The layout of the American check in area just didn't make sense. I've flown out of this airport more than a couple of times now. But I'd never seen the line quite this long. At first, I thought it was the line to access the check in kiosks. But after about ten minutes, I saw an empty kiosk and nobody was walking to it. I soon realized I was standing in a line for checking in and dropping off bags. With the line growing behind me, I realized I had to go to the kiosk quickly. I checked in and then had to get back on line, which was now maybe 20 people longer.

Inside, I felt such panic and stress. I genuinely worried that this line was moving so slow that either I wouldn't be able to check my bags in on time, or that I wouldn't be able to reach the gate. For one of the first times, I realized the impatience in me that my mother, and possibly others, are so sensitive to. 

Now I've never denied impatience in my spirit. But now, I was realizing what it would look like if a friend or relative or significant other was in my presence. How would that affect that relationship?

The crazy part of it was I got to the gate 45 minutes before departure time and easily got a seat, as I was the only standby passenger for the flight. But oh my God in heaven, did I get tested again. The loudest kids in the history of airlines. Sitting right behind...you guessed it, me!

Note: fast forward to Sunday. I'm sitting alone in an airport lounge. I'm stuck here overnight. I don't have the attention span or focus to write full paragraphs. So we're just going with bullet points. 

Amazing Grace film

Aretha Franklin's voice is unmatched

Too much rain

Nobel house restaurant in Geneva

Zombie dust beer from 3 Floyd's!

Brisket chili

Rib eye sandwich with Swiss, tomato, arugula, and steak sauce on an onion roll. 

Yahtzee with mom

Gym

Free pass thanks to mom's membership

40 minutes on the elliptical 

Half hour lifting

Steam room and sauna, first time in maybe 5 years

I wish I'd brought flip flops

You don't talk to a man you don't know in the steam room... man code violation!

iPod drama

I hate that computer

Administrative privileges required?

90 minutes on the phone with Geek Squad 

This computer gives me a new issue every time I'm with it

Mentally exhausted, but okay

The last 2 weeks have probably been the most stressful I have ever had at a job. I came back from my Chicago odyssey expecting to be busy knowing that Monday May 6th was one of our 3 busiest starts of the calendar year.  I knew I would have to certify all the April students, about 175 in all. I would also have to scan 50 files and the documents for each of them into the system for new students as well as create folders for all of them and then I would have to correct any errors that quality control had found.

And if that's not enough, I came back to find out that we were being audited by the state the following Monday and I had to prepare 25 files. Now this audit goes back 5 years, I have been doing this job for about 9 months. I have a lot of financial aid experience but very little in military. So I knew there were going to be mistakesn; the key was to find the mistakes before the auditors didn't. Because if we don't score well enough, we are at the risk of losing are certifying privileges, and if we lose our certifying privileges, that means that I don't have a job anymore. Probably between Monday afternoon and Thursday night, I was not able to relax at all.

The only thing that put my mind at ease was I came in for overtime on Friday, day I was supposed to be off. I went through all 25 files with my boss and the financial aid director downstairs, who actually has VA experience. We did a good job at finding the errors we needed to and correcting them. So the audit then happened on Monday, and from what I know now, it went decently, but there were mistakes. My hope is we did well enough to where I will not have to see them for another couple of years.

And even after the audit ended, I was still slammed. I had another 30 files to work with documents the scan, plus re entries, I really didn't slow down until Thursday afternoon. And now I found out that I'm going to get some federal aid work as well, which I'm happy to do as we're going to need the help and I want to take on more responsibility.

The good thing is I feel my job is not in jeopardy which I have to admit I was afraid of. It's not that I had committed any firable offenses, but I am just so sensitive to work problems. I'm trying to learn to be content whatever the circumstances, but negative circumstances at work still scare me.

Evolving as a Sports Fan

Ask anyone who's known me longer than about ten minutes knows that sports have been a major part of my life. I think it goes back to my father, since that's what he basically gave me.

I root for the Mets. I root for the Jets. I root for the Rangers. I root for the Knicks. I did root for Greg Norman in golf, nobody ever took his place. I used to root for Syracuse basketball, eventually switching to NC State once the Orangemen abandoned the Big East. I support the Portland Timbers, aside from the f@g flags some of their supporters inexplicably wave at the games.

I have given my support with full passion and energy, even though I have not lived in in New York or New Jersey in over 20 years. I have taken time off work for these teams. I have planned trips around these teams. I have sacrificed friendships and relationships for these teams. And I don't know where or how it fits me now.

The Mets season is only one month old. And although they're at .500, I already feel emotionally bankrupt. I don't think it was seeing a walk off loss at the only game I attended. I think more than anything, it's two things.

One is keeping my hopes down at the risk of being disappointed. I haven't seen a championship since June 14, 1994. I've seen my teams make appearances in finals, but they've repeatedly gotten defeated in five games. Knicks in 1999, Mets in 2000, Rangers in 2014, Mets in 2015. The Knicks have won one playoff series since 2000. The Jets haven't made the playoffs in nine years. The Rangers had seven years in the abyss before an 11 year run where almost always made the playoffs, won many series, experienced wonderful memories, but never won the Stanley Cup. It has been pain on pain. It's what I've come to expect.

And two, and I can't believe I'll say this, but it's the fans. The terrible, hateful people who constantly refer to certain players as garbage or trash. It has become an absolute drain seeing hateful posts from supposed fans. And I say this as someone who is known as a crazy fan, especially when I go to a game. But now I have less of a desire to go to games, knowing I'll get aggravated as soon as something goes wrong. If I can't handle even trailing in a game, why am I spending my money and going?

At the games, I'm crazy. At home alone, I'm numb. This isn't what I want. So I ask myself why am I like this and how do I handle this? I don't want to cut sports off and I don't know if I could. I've made great friends through sports, met women because of sports. It's non stop action, and it's better than following world news and political updates, which are pretty much always depressing.

I just don't have an answer as of this moment. I don't know what the solution is, and even if I did, how could I live that solution out?

WrestleMania Predictions

WWE Women’s Championship

Ronda Rousey vs. Charlotte Flair vs. Becky Lynch

Prediction: Becky Lynch

WWE Universal Championship

Brock Lesnar vs. Seth Rollins

Prediction: Seth Rollins

WWE Championship

Daniel Bryan vs. Kofi Kingston

Prediction: Daniel Bryan

No Holds Barred match

Triple H vs. Batista

Prediction: Triple H

Roman Reigns vs. Drew McIntyre

Prediction: Roman Reigns

WWE Intercontinental Championship

Bobby Lashley vs. Finn Balor

Prediction: Finn Balor

Falls Count Anywhere

Shane McMahon vs. The Miz

Prediction: The Miz

Randy Orton vs. AJ Styles

Prediction: Randy Orton

Kurt Angle vs. Baron Corbin

Prediction: Kurt Angle

WWE United States Championship

Samoa Joe vs. Rey Mysterio

Prediction: Samoa Joe

WWE Raw Tag Team Championship

The Revival vs. Zack Ryder & Curt Hawkins

Prediction: Zack Ryder & Curt Hawkins

WWE Women's Tag Team Championship

The Boss 'n' Hug Connection (Bayley and Sasha Banks) vs. The Divas of Doom (Beth Phoenix and Natalya) vs. The IIconics (Billie Kay and Peyton Royce) vs. Nia Jax and Tamina Snuka

Prediction: The IIconics

WWE Cruiserweight Championship

Buddy Murphy vs. Tony Nese

Prediction: Buddy Murphy

WWE SmackDown Tag Team Championship

The Usos vs. Ricochet and Aleister Black vs. The Bar vs. Shinsuke Nakamura and Rusev

Prediction: Ricochet and Aleister Black

Andre the Giant Memorial Battle Royal

Prediction: Kevin Owens

Second Annual Wrestlemania Women's Battle Royal

Prediction: Asuka

Student loan progress and learning

I look back over my near two years in graduate school and I'm not sure it was a worthwhile investment. I never did get a job in Human Resources and maybe it's not what God  wants me to do anyway. But I did learn about leadership styles an human interaction, so maybe in that sense, it was a good thing to do. But when I completed the program in 2015, I had just under $10,000 in student loans. Now that's not a whole lot compared to other people. But it was aggravating considering I was supposed to have the program completely covered by the school where I was working at the time.

When I graduated school in June 2015, my starting balance was $9,326. My required monthly payment was $108 and change and that was to have it paid off in ten years. I figured that was reasonable and if I got ahead early, I could just make minimum payments for a while and that would be good enough. But I didn't know much about interest. That $9,326 was a lot more.

Let me break down what I did, because as I wrote this it's baffling to me. In my first 12 months, from June 2015-June 2016, I paid back $2,600, about 30 percent of the principal. But I guess I got complacent. Because then I started to slack off. I didn't stop making payments, but my intensity was gone. Over the next 24 months, I paid $802.

It wasn't until the fall of 2018 when I started budgeting my money and realized what a choke hold that debt can have that I decided I should push myself. I had always tried to be smart with money but I never really knew exactly what was coming in, because I never used a budget. And if I could get out of debt quickly in order that I could actually build wealth. I began to make more regular payments starting in July 2018. Between then and December, I paid just under $700. So by the end of 2018, my balance was down to $5,276.

Then I realized that I could get crazy and get out of the debt way quicker. I resolved to pay at least $500 a month. Plus any additional money I had at the end of the month would go towards the balance. So whereas in the past, I would make a payment every other month, now I was making two payments per month.

In the first 3 months of 2019, I have paid $2,800. My balance is now $2,473 and I fully expect to have this debt paid off by my birthday at the end of July. Upon which time, I will be 100% debt free. Keep in mind, I'm not making much more money than I've made in the past. I'm working three gigs to make what I have now. But I have faith the work will pay off for me. Literally.

Just to recap:

After 3 years, I had paid $3,400.
After 3.5 years, I had paid $4,050.
After 3.75 years (today), I have paid $6,853.

I have $2,473.16 left to go. Praise the Lord for his gifts and wisdom.

Group is over

So after almost two years, my Bible study group is over. The only thing I won't miss is the commuting through the tunnel back and forth during rush hour. But I will miss the camaraderie and the community. So I want to take a moment and mention the memorable people from the group and drop a few thoughts.

The Regulars
David-our leader. Our interests are pretty different, as he's really into government and politics. I don't know what kind of friendship we'll have going forward, likely more of a casual deal. But we'll see.
Corinne-David's wife, great host, the orange Christmas tree, and that classic snort.
Elizabeth-She just is so monotone. She was kind of pretty, but I don't know how she has friends because it's so hard to get her to open up. Great figure, in shape, avid runner. Allergic to sesame and soy. I don't plan on seeing her again.
Nick-Very much a math guy. Great maker of pumpkin pie. Two kids, likely soon to be three. Annoyed by his mother in law.
Allison-She and Nick seem to have a solid marriage. Very sincere person, always seemed to have a way to say something relevant and intelligent in group discussions. 
Andrew-I like the guy. Outdoors guy, very funny. It hurts to see him go through a divorce. I've extended the olive branch to him, but I guess he's sorting his life out.
Martha-Love her. She's a little geeky, but she's a cute one. The pierced septum and ink aren't exactly turn ons. But besides that, she kept the conversations going. She was never afraid to speak her mind, I can't say that about a lot of people in the group. That said, she's moving to Denver for a new job in May. Her leaving is really a blow.
Jacob-The actor with the weird socks. He couldn't attend all the time, but he was very funny, I don't remember him adding much to the spiritual discussions.
Trevor-The hunter. He definitely made the best snacks out of anybody in the group. I had tacos with so many random game meats and house-made salsa, oh, that I wish I could replicate them. He could be outspoken to the point where it started to get uncomfortable, but at least he would usually be able to restrain himself. But he never wanted to be in Virginia, he wanted to be out west in the wilderness, that's where he is now and I'm sure he's happy.
Aaron-Never opened up. Was just there because Maggie made him go. I don't think he ever cared to be friends with any of us. He was friendly, but he didn't care about engaging with us. During guy time, he may as well have not ever been there, he was a mute.
Maggie-Aaron's girlfriend. She didn't have a whole lot more to say than Aaron did, but at least she would be friendly and offer a nice smile.

The Occasionals
Amanda-What do I even say. When she first joined the group early on, she was engaged. The engagement broke up and we never saw the guy again. She kept coming and I admit I gained interest in asking her out. We thought we would go hiking, but eventually she started ghosting me as women in Virginia tend to do. I've since unfollowed her on social media as I have no desire to have a friendship where I'm the only one who actually gives a s***.
Robert-He probably came to group about ten times, and in those ten times, he said a total of nine words.
Carter and Logan-A married couple who came about four times towards the end. Never really got to know them.
Josh and Courtney-Another married couple, who attended maybe about eight times. But they always seemed to bring their kids. There was really no role for them in the group. They didn't have much to say. The one thing I can say about Courtney, she had great curly red hair.
Starr-A 19 year old who came once and I don't think that she expected us to be drinking, considering she came on a game night.