Recovery

So here I am, jobless again. Six days after the bomb was dropped on me. I can't say it's been the best week of my life. I've lost jobs before, but on top of losing the income and benefits, I've lost my free tuition for my Masters program. It really feels like I failed, like I blew a great opportunity.

Was I surprised? I knew I would be expendable if any of us got let go. But the timing...that's what disgusts me. I was on a three month action plan for improving my processing accuracy. What is really low on the company's part is that they promised me three months. I got 2.5. I had my best month eve in February with 95 percent. Well above the company standard. In March, I did slip to 90. My mentor and confidant quitting was a tough blow. I would go to him if I had any tough questions, and when he left, that void was hard to fill. April didn't start off great, but I was getting better. By the second week of the month, I had figured out new ways to concentrate and focus. Red Bull was part of it. In my last seven working days, I made one error. I was up to 93 percent and the only reason it wasn't higher is because we had so few files to work. My confidence was soaring.

Tuesday morning, I told my manager that I wish we had more files because I was doing so well. He laughed in agreement, acting like he understood. Three hours later, he calls me into a conference room. He gives me the bullshit about based on my totality, my employment at Kaplan is terminated. Nothing in writing, no package, nothing.I was walked back to my desk where I was allowed to gather a few possessions. My manager was watching me the whole time like he was a damn prison guard watching a prisoner who's heading straight to the chair. I grabbed my books, water bottle, a phone charger, one or two other things, and walked away without saying goodbye to a soul. I went into the break room to find my lunch inside the overly crammed refrigerator. Couldn't find it. I turned around and he is still watching me. I said "Screw it" and walked away into the elevator. He joined me in. I couldn't look at him. I really don't think it was his choice, I think it came from the scumbag working above him. I walked towards the revolving door for the last time. He quietly said "Good luck to you." I still couldn't look. I offered my hand for a weak handshake and that was it. A 15 minute walk to Ogilvie, an hour train ride to West Chicago, and a 30-minute drive to Willow Creek Church where I cried my eyes out with one of the care pastors in the Care Center.

Let's recap. I've lost my job, my income, my insurance, my benefits, and maybe worst of all, my free Masters tuition. That scumbag I mentioned can feel free to give me $20,000 to cover my tuition anytime.

As I said earlier, this feels like the worst failure of my life. I know the job did not suit my set of skills. It was analytical to an extreme level. I did verification for six months in 2006 with CEC. I hated it then. But this time, it was all I did. Looking back, when I was offered the position at Kaplan, maybe I should have taken the phone job instead. As much as I would have hated it, I don't doubt I would have lasted.

So, time to move on. I have a hell of a lot of time on my hands. I'm going to lose a lot of money. It's a blow to my pride. Hopefully, it will be a blessing in disguise. I really don't know. I wish I could have gotten a  full time job in writing or editing, but that's nearly impossible nowadays. So I tried to make myself more marketable with the financial aid. And hopefully, school will do that even more. In fact, I know it will. It's not like I'm being kicked out. As bad as their graduation rate is, they need me!

I have friends who care about me and I know will support me. I know God won't forsake me. I just hope wherever I go from here is something I enjoy, something I can succeed in, and will allow me to make a respectable living. I don't think that's asking too damn much.