Rejected

I remember when I was a young man, especially in my early to late 20s, the very thought of asking a woman on a date intimidated me. I guess I have always been a late learner when it comes to social settings. I suppose that's what happens when you don't have any siblings, when you get bullied for so long, and when you don't have much else in the way of family in terms of cousins and people that are your own age. You just come by things the hard way, and that makes those hard lessons cut that much deeper.

Somehow, somewhere along the way, I gained a little self-confidence. I can't even be sure if it's something somebody said or if it was just when I had a moment of self realization, but I remember I was 26 years old. 

And now fast forward 13 years. A change has taken place. I'm not afraid to ask a girl out, it's now that I get rejected constantly. And what has not changed is that the moments after I get rejected sting just as deep as they did when I was in my early 20's. I still sense the confusion, my brains start racing to figure what I said or did wrong. Did I use too many words? Did I ask too quickly? Did I use the wrong voice tone or rate of speed? Did my freaking eyebrow go up?

The most common things I hear are they're just getting out of a relationship or we're not a match. The latter, I can't really do much with. If they feel that way, they feel that way. But the first one is complete nonsense. If they say they are not looking for a relationship, all it means is they are not looking for a relationship with ME. I've seen it. They're looking for a relationship with one particular guy or they have a set image of what that guy is supposed to be (6 feet tall and makes at least $60,000 seems to be the most important criteria). 

Women will reject men over the stupidest crap. And it's always personal for me. It doesn't stop hurting and it doesn't stop happening. And I don't know how to change it.

Maybe there just is no other half. And if so, that's ok, I'll learn to accept it. But I'm pushing 40. My time is running out and running out quickly.