Her

What am I going to do about her? 

She shouldn't have walked into the restaurant that Sunday, November 14. It was just me and the guys, watching another Jets loss in another season that's been filled with them. The long dark hair, the white lacy cotton top, the confident walk, the dynamic smile, and the lack of jewelry on the fourth finger of the left hand. I had no idea what her story was, but I figured as club President, it was my duty to inquire.

We actually didn't talk much that first day. But I requested her on Facebook. That led to my first message on Wednesday. That night was a 2 hour phone conversation that flowed like water down a stone-free river. I never had to search for a conversation topic, she knew immediately how to engage me. We continued to talk and message every day, and by Sunday, we both knew we were ready to see each other again. By the next Sunday, we were seeing each other privately. The next night was our first kiss and a few other firsts, which later in the week became seconds and thirds.

Except she is recently separated from her husband of 18 years and cannot get legally divorced until at least May 1. So there is no declaring anything official until that's official. And even then, when that's over, will she be ready to date?

Tonight, we had dinner at Mellow Mushroom. The Cloud 9 garlic parmesan wings were great, the pizza with the aioli base was just weird. Good...but too dang creamy. Then I drove us through Newport News Park which had sets of Christmas lights set up, it was a pretty amazing display. Then I took her back to my apartment's parking lot, and for the first time, she didn't come inside, she drove home.

I've gone further than I have with anyone in my 40 years of living. And I could see myself with her for a long time. I know she likes me a lot. But is that enough for her? I have been messed over so many times that I can't help but wonder she'll do it to me too. I've opened up to her, but I can't bear to tell her that I don't want to picture me without her. Life is so much better with her in it.

And after 22 days, my head says it is too soon to feel this way. I don't want to get caught up in puppy love or infatuation. But at the same time, in 25 years since puberty, I have had enough unrequited crushes and failed relationships to know when something can work. And damn it, this can work.

The tough part is I don't know who I can really talk to about how to handle this. It's easy to go to Mom but for this part of my life, it just feels awkward. Dad, forget it. Has the want to, not the know how to. My friends, how many do I know that would both listen to me and have the wisdom I need to hear. Maybe that's why I'm on here now at 11:30 pm after downing half a bottle of Pinot Noir.

I've never considered myself to be a patient man. But if there's any shot of this becoming what I want it to become, I'm going to have to learn patience right now. And here's the scary part...what if she decides she doesn't want to date after the divorce is final? And then all of my waiting is for nothing?

God, why am I in a spot in such a time as this? What are you trying to teach me? Regardless of whether this becomes a relationship or not, I pray I will be a better man for it. Amen.