Karma?

I don't really believe in karma, the whole what goes around comes around thing. Because good things constantly happen to bad people and bad things constantly happen to good people. I think it's just a convenient way for some people to be spiritual. But I do think a certain thing came full circle tonight.

I look back to the excitement of July 4 in Itasca. The promise of something new, something fresh, something so exhilarating, something even a little bit scary. But the rush I felt that night as I danced and 7th Heaven played "Don't Stop Believing" and "Free Falling" and a few other songs I can't remember was one that felt so right. It was special. It was...magic. Then we walked back to our group as we watched one of the most spectacular fireworks displays ever go off. I truly felt my life had changed that night.

Now I think about tonight, exactly one month later on August 4th. I brought 4 tickets to the Kane County Cougars game against Cedar Rapids. Chris and Allison came and they were great company. But that fourth ticket that was reserved for a certain someone, well, it never got claimed. We enjoyed the game together and afterwards, the post-game entertainment consisted of a magic show and fireworks. As I sat in the first base side seats listening to the Wilco music, I saw the fireworks pop again. But this time, I had no one to hold. Even though I was sitting next to my friends, I still felt so alone. And I have a sick feeling it's over. And it absolutely disgusts me that I don't even get an explanation why. It just rips my heart out. I don't even know what I did wrong, or even if I did anything wrong. It's just not right. It's just not.

Top 10 Songs for tonight

"Tears On My Pillow" Little Anthony & the Imperials
"Living For the Night" George Strait
"Love Lost" Mindy Smith
"How Can You Mend a Broken Heart" Bee Gees/Al Green
"Somewhere In My Broken Heart" Billy Dean
"I Sure Can Smell the Rain" Black Hawk
"Winner at a Losing Game" Rascal Flatts
"Blue Moon With Heartache" Rosanne Cash
"Arrow Through the Heart" Andy Gibb
"Crying" Roy Orbison