Ponderous

After 6 days straight in Chicago working, and spending 3 of those days staying in a hotel in the River North neighborhood, I really needed some time away from the city and away from people.

I drove west today to White Pines State Park, a place I probably have not been to in maybe 15 years. I took a couple of hours to hike and climb. More than anything, I had to take time to play music on a quiet country road, to reflect, and just have a verbal conversation with God. I'm not being corny when I say that; that environment just gives me an opportunity to really reflect and encounter God in a way that is very difficult for me to do in my house and in my typical day to day working life.

There are many things that I realized that I am grateful for. And it is good when I take time to count each of those blessings, instead of choosing to dwell in my disasters. Because I'm learning more and more that there are so many people in this sorry dark world who are so insecure in their own lives that they will stop at nothing to tear somebody else down.

Here is where my mind is at this point. And the truth is I've been feeling this way for the last 8 or so months. I'm a lot more anti-social than I used to be. Because I realize I don't have time for other people's bullying, lies, and deception. As recently as maybe two years ago, I couldn't wait for the next big social event with my friends. We had then practically every month. Now, I don't even care anymore. I have my group of friends who I value, but it seems like the vast majority of them don't live near me now.

I think one big aspect of it is that I am now in my mid-thirties. I find that people in their twenties and their forties and fifties do a lot better job of getting together than people in their thirties do. But when you're in your thirties, you're sort of in limbo. You're too old to be in the young group in too young to be in the old group. I'm not feeling sad though, it's sort of a step back for me. It's a time to push the reset button. I feel as though I'm taking a little more time to myself. And these times of reflection don't come often when I'm gone 12 hours a day due to my job.

So 2017 is one third of the way over already. It feels like it has gone so quickly. Then again, with this combination of cold weather and non-stop work, of course it's going by quickly. I have not taken a single day off from work yet. But in 11 days, that will change. I will fly to New York, which is something that I can't wait for. I'm so ready to start traveling again.

I promised myself at the beginning of this year that I would not be the same man at the end of 2017 that I am at the beginning of 2017. Somehow, some positive change was going to happen for me. I can't say that change has come down the pike yet. But I am going to keep working to make it happen.