Is it any wonder?

One thing I have learned. The people you're closest to are the ones who can hurt you the most. Or specifically, the people you want to be closest to can hurt you the most. And I probably shouldn't be writing this, but hey, two people of that many will read this, so I really don't give a crap. And I will be writing what comes to mind so don't be surprised if this comes out random. I

I never thought it was wrong to be different just for the sake of being different. Now I'm not sure. Because if you don't fit in with a group, they'll shove you aside and not think twice about it. It can be downright sick. People will hurt you and they're so caught up in themselves, they don't even know the damage they are inflicting.

All a person can do is be the best they can be. And work to get better at the things they struggle with. Accepting a negative status quo about a certain part of yourself is a nail in the coffin. But it's a bitch to be my age when you're still trying to feel like you're accepted and feel it's not happening. I think everyone wants to be accepted, loved, and successful. Those are 3 basic human needs. But at some point, rejection happens to you often enough and after a while, it barely stings. You just get used to the frustration and though it still hurts to a degree, it doesn't even come as a surprise to you anymore. You almost expect the worst, and the worst happens.

If you expect crap going in, crap will come out. It's amazing how much people can sabotage themselves. Sabotaging other people is bad enough. But it is not realized people set themselves up to fail sometimes and they don't know it until it's too late. Consider a situation as simple as a casual conversation. Things are going smoothly. But at the same time, there's a trace of nervousness in the bad part of your brain. You want to keep the talk interesting because you want to be perceived as a person that people want to spend time with. Sadly, despite Woody Johnson's claims, perception is reality. So then you can't think of a thing to talk about. All of a sudden, a little fear bubbles up. Then they say the wrong thing, they do the wrong thing, they think too much, and before they even realize what surface they were standing on, they're halfway up to their neck in quicksand. And they can't get out.

And this garbage happens over and over again. Sometimes, it almost seems easier if we didn't socialize with other people. It would make life less risky and there would be a lot less hurt and aggravation. I know that's only half the story, but sometimes, it would be good to just take a vacation (not a trip, but a day or two in quiet) and refocus. Because in this world and in this country, we need it.

No real silver lining here. I'm not in the mood to find a positive spin here. Just this. This world would be a lot better if people could learn to accept that ALL people have issues and aren't always perfect.