I don't get it

Well, I was supposed to fly to New York this morning to see my father. For months, we planned to go to the Rangers-Panthers game at MSG Sunday night with my uncle Brian. My uncle is a Rangers season ticket holder, and he mailed me the tickets in December, for whatever reason. Last week, everything changed. I was standing in the library in the bio section when my phone buzzed. It's my father and he's in hysterics. I rarely, if ever, hear him in such an emotional state. He told me Brian has colon cancer. So the plan became Dad and I going alone. Well, throw in the foot of snow that has halted any means of travel in the northeast this week. So much for that.

Then on Friday, around 3:45, I'm working on my past due cash and I feel my phone go off again. It's Mom. She told me when the doctors operated on him, they found that the cancer had spread through Brian's liver. He was intensive care last night, though he was moved to a regular room today. Dad saw him and he looked ok. He didn't have a fever or any infections, but was in pain from where the doctors had cut him open. And he hasn't eaten solid food in almost a week, so he's lost a lot of weight. Apparently, he's going through another series of tests today. When these results come in about 5-7 days, they'll know exactly what Brian is facing and what kind of treatment they can try.

I'm just numb now. I don't speak to Brian once a week or once a month but we'd been e-mailing more often. I have as much respect for him as anyone in my family. He's smart, witty, upbeat, energetic, and the kind of glue that brings people together. He has that X-factor.

More than that, I worry for his family. Of course for Susan, his wife. But especially for Danielle, his daughter, my cousin at Cornell. They have a very tight relationship and I've heard she is doing absolutely terribly at this point. She's very quiet to begin with, I shudder to think what she will do if he goes this way.

And Dad. To think, he could lose both his parents and his only sibling inside a 2.5 year period.

Right now, I'm looking for any optimism. I've spent time on my knees, the Bible, inside dark, empty churches, in group settings with people I trust. All I can do his pray and support the family.