To You

It's been 56 hours since you told me you love someone else. I've been thinking about it, despite not wanting to, and even while the emotion is still raw, here is my perspective.

You are a confused, emotionally lost woman who does not know the first thing about this kind of new love or a new relationship.

You just left an 18 year marriage. Or more accurately, he evicted you from that marriage. And now I understand why. It wasn't because he did not want to be married anymore. It wasn't because he was lost in life, like you told me he was. He left the military, spent every day with you, and realized it was not going to work.

Two weeks later, emotionally vulnerable, you walked into the bar where the Virginia Jets Fans, the club of which I am President. I hadn't dated in almost two years, and I wanted to. Over the next few weeks, we grew closer and closer, and I gave myself to you in a way I never had before with another woman. I was thinking of little ways to make you happy, places we could go, I wanted to learn you more and more. I could see our future lasting a long time. I was even willing to put up with your ugly tattoos and inexplicable admiration of Bernie Sanders.

Again, I acknowledge my mistake. I lost my temper in your presence and was too embarrassed to face you. It took me days. Finally, we talked on a Thursday afternoon. It scared me so much to have that conversation. You said you forgave me. Then the next day, you went to Vegas with the family, allegedly the family, for 9 days, I felt it best to give you your space and let you enjoy your trip. Then you came back and supposedly had COVID. So trying to be respectful, I messaged you on occasion, and we did talk once or twice. But a part of my mind knew your heart was gone. 

You weren't reaching out to me anymore, except to tell me that you were COVID positive. And what happened to your expressive side? When we started, our chats had energy and cleverness to them. All of a sudden, they became "Good," "Nice," and "Thank you." I've been through this shit enough time when a woman quits because a man isn't doing everything perfectly, and she doesn't address it, they just stew inside and plan to their quitting strategy.

So on Friday, you messaged me, and told me it was over, which was one thing. But that it was for some random dude you once knew and that it progressed quickly and that you love him...it's clear you don't think with your brain, you were thinking with your pierced vagina. If it had been you leaving me for David, to keep your marriage alive, I would have been less offended. 

Let me explain what is really going on. You love the idea of what he could've been back when you knew him, however long ago that was. You said you didn't want me caught in the middle, well you know what? There was not supposed to be a middle! It was you, and it was me. 

And then for you to message me two days later, and say you are bringing this dude with you to the chili kickoff; do you have a fucking idea what you were saying? You didn't ask me how I felt about it, you owed me that much at least. You figured it would be perfectly fine and never anticipated the potential fallout. Let me remind you of something, this is the football group of which I am the President. I have been there 4 plus years, you have not been there even 4 months. For you to say you still want to be friends, then two days later day you want to show off this person to the group, essentially rubbing my nose in a pile of dog shit, that's as callous as anything I could ever imagine.

I never knew when I met you that you would turn out to be so cold hearted, cruel, and most of all, selfish. While I hate what you have done, I don't hate you. I just pity you. And I thank you that you broke my heart now rather than later. I will mend in time and be a better and stronger man for being away from you. And guess what? With your restlessness and twisted way of thinking, you'll fail with this guy too.