When a Break Is Needed

I am coming off two consecutive six day work weeks. As Saturday night is about to dissolve into Sunday morning, let's take a moment and try to untangle this cluttered brain.

The Jets draft is now behind us. After four months of heavy anticipation, they had by all accounts, a fantastic draft. I have stayed up till 3 am and 2 am on Thursday and Friday nights, respectively, to absorb content and broadcast. 

I wish I could play guitar or keyboard. As I find and re-discover so much good music from days gone by, I wish I had a way to share it. I'm getting more open to YouTube and podcasting. But honestly, I'm worried about doing something that isn't unique. Sure, there are the sports options. I'm certainly opinionated about that. But there is so much content out there from such smart people, I really don't see what I can do that would be unique. Ah there it is, the fear of being ordinary. Because here's the pivotal question, what makes me one of a kind? Forty years later, I guess I'm the white single conservative Christian from New Jersey who loves real country music, good food, an unusual combination of NY sports, and American travel. As if anyone cares about that combination. 

One thing that I'm smarter than most at is that golden era of country music from the mid 70s to the early 2000s before the pussies like Underwood, Bryan, and FGL fucked everything up. I have one friend I can talk to about this, and she gets it. Other than that, it's like my own secret. And what can I do about it? I don't want to keep it to myself. But I kind of have no choice.

Sunday is coming, as the great SM Lockridge once preached. I have this real desire to get away, yet of course, the weather forecast is calling for rain. I could use a hike in the mountains and a lot of that craft mountain beer. And I'll barely be able to take advantage of it, even if I wanted to. 

Can I do a staycation? I guess. Although I think the only way to get through it would be to stay off social media. And being home alone, it's the easiest distraction in the world. If I'm stuck on a phone all day, I know seeing certain kinds of posts will just rile up my already sensitive emotions.

I guess I feel trapped by my own sins and shortcomings, and some of them I still cannot overcome even after four decades. And these flaws are an essential part of my makeup, so I guess I just have to embrace those fleeting moments of temporary joy and happiness that I may get to experience. But as far lasting joy...I can't imagine living in that way. It's not that I don't want that, it just no longer seems realistic.