My ankle and foot are still in a lot of pain 24 hours later. And even though I wonder what's going on it is rather relaxing to not have social media access or the ability to follow news and sports scores.
After choosing salmon for dinner, we went to see a comedian, who was pretty good. Definitely from New York, he had a lot of energy. He did a lot of impressions. After a little while, we went to the Love and Marriage game show. There was a couple married two months, one married 12 years, and another married 36 years. The middle couple stole the show. She was a total alpha female, vivacious, perky, and outgoing. This guy was a total nerd, I'm sorry, but he was so awkward. One of the questions was the infamous "Where's the weirdest place you have ever made whoopee?" With his kids in the crowd, this guy, Eric, says, "Did we have to finish the act?"
Another great one was what things could you make bigger and smaller on your wife. Chris, the newlywed said he'd make his wife's blue eyes bigger and her problems smaller. Good answer, smooth talker. Steve, married 36 years and looking like Rex Ryan, said he'd make his wife's boobs bigger and ass smaller. No shame! And Eric...After about two minutes of hesitating said he'd make Tara's calf muscles bigger and breasts smaller. She just looked at him in disbelief like, "Who the hell did I marry?" This game show definitely produced the hardest laughs of the trip.
Then we went to the Spectrum lounge for the battle of the sexes. There were competitions like holding a keychain in your butt, walking a few steps, and doing it in a plastic cup. Then there was blowing up balloons and pooping it five different ways, such as back to back and laying down. Just total silliness. And yes, I would have gotten involved if I could have walked normally.
Right after that came the Quest game, which is definitely adult oriented. There were maybe 30 teams and teams had to answer these very unusual requests. It started with five cents in pennies, very tame. There was everything from a woman with a body piercing besides her face and ears, a man dancing in woman's shoes, a woman doing the worm, a lesson with an entire set of false teeth, a man and woman sharing pants, and a man with three bras on his head. The last one was taking three minutes to dress a man up as the best looking woman possible. So we had 35 guys in basic drag showing off their best moves. Insane.
I woke up on Sunday, still in some pain. I needed to limit time on my feet. So of course, that was the day we're going to Key West. And we're delayed an hour due to wind conditions, plus we all had to go through immigration before we even depart the boat.
We got off the ship around noon. As I walked onto the pier, I noticed a lot of palm trees, a lot of small, newer looking shops, and plenty of heat and blue sky. We had tickets for the conch train, which is a narrated street train tour of the island. It lasted about an hour and there were just three stops. I think the old town trolley would have been a better bet; that one had eleven stops. Plus, our driver was not exactly what I would call skilled. He spoke really fast and he admonished people over the loudspeaker when they were talking. He also said cell phones should only be used in case of emergencies. Not exactly a people person.
Key West itself felt a lot like a tropical version of a coastal New England town. Very little space, a lot of small houses crammed in, no parking to speak of. Oh yes, and plenty of disgusting patriots fans. More on that later. Unfortunately, there were also a lot of rainbow flags, which couldn't turn me off more.
After getting off the train, I went into cvs for a bottle of ibuprofen. I immediately took two and though the pain subsided a little bit, I can't say I was ever pain free. We walked down Duval St, which is the main drag in Key West, stopping at Carolines. The Key West lemonade was delicious, it had orange vodka, key lime vodka, pineapple juice, lemonade, and a splash of cranberry. And we split peel n eat shrimp and conch fritters. Really good food. That was where I encountered my first patriots fan, a pretty obnoxious arrogant jerk. That's pretty much 95% of that fanbase. I felt it getting heated so I just ignored him. He said to his wife I had to be a bears or rams fan...which would make no sense at all. Enough about him. Actually be was the second, the first was the bartender at the "World's Smallest Bar." I just walked by, shook my head at her, and shouted "Go Jets." I also saw the famous Sloppy Joe's bar, which was packed as well.
We went down Duval about eight blocks to Kermit's, which is known for their key lime pie. I tend to be a little skeptical of them, as they're usually too sweet or too tart. This one had a great balance of both and the Graham cracker crust was nicely spiced too. Definitely one of the two or three best key lime pies I've ever had.
We did done more waking and even found a sports bar with two Patriots flags hanging outside. I don't know, but apparently a lot of this douchebags from New England go to Key West!
Mom was getting a little overheated so we caught a conch train for the rest of our ride. Of course, it was the same driver. We passed the Ernest Hemingway house and the Southernmost point in the USA, both of which were absolutely packed. I would have liked to have taken some better pictures, but that just wasn't happening.
My foot started to bother me again, so though we headed to a few more shops, I just needed to sit and have a drink. Mom began walking towards the ship and I just wasn't ready to go back on. Neither was she. But I decided to walk to a bar and catch the end of the Jets Patriots game. There were eight minutes left in the fourth quarter and the Jets were up by seven points. I figured I'd try to catch the end. I limped over to Hogs Breath, a total dive with tons of license plates on the wall. Apparently mom used to go there with my prick of an ex-stepfather back in the day. I drank a local brew and saw New England tie the game, sending it to overtime. But despite the Jets offense betting unable to do anything in the fourth quarter, there was good news. Pittsburgh did somehow lose to a depleted Baltimore team, which put destiny right back in the hands of the Jets. So my heart was pounding by now, side I also knew I only had a half hour to get back to my ship. Then the ace of the patriots special teams, Matthew Slater, decided to kick the ball to the Jets to start overtime. The Jets promptly drove down the field, with long pass plays to Quincy Enunwa and the great Brandon Marshall. Then came the game winning touchdown, a six yard arching fade pass from Ryan Fitzpatrick to Eric Decker.
Suffice to say I had a few people staring at be when I let out a long primal scream. I did wait a moment, just to make sure there was no penalty flag. I walked out of the bar to the ship, barely feeling any pain in my foot! Shame I didn't have time to find that Patriots bat and stop in.
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