Freestyle on Connections

You know I didn't grow up with a sister or a brother
All I had was a father and a mother
Took me a long time to learn to to play with the others
Had to keep my fears and struggles under cover

Man, in my mid 20s through mid 30s, I grew
Made so many friends true, oh, how the time flew with the crew
Each week filled with hopes and promises new

Then I decided to leave, I knew my time was done
Had a great run, but it just wasn't as much fun
Took a chance, flying towards the sun

Found a group in church, we grew so fast
But with kids, divorce, and job changes, we didn't last
From 18 people to 6 in 2 months, just like that we're in the past
Still leaves me aghast

I meet some folks, I'm waiting on a call back, even a text
What did I do wrong, did I not impress?
No invites to any events
I'm stuck back in the sane old mess

Social media, man, it can be such a drain
These keyboard warriors, dishing out pain
The hate spewed out is driving me insane
You get blocked when you go against the grain

Nobody's gonna just come and knock on my door
It's on me to put myself out more
So what am I waiting for?

Looking for those local that I can call friends
Ones that will never ever end
The times together we'd spend
God, that's what I'm asking you, to me, to send

The search goes on...

Another 5 quick hits

1) This has been a pretty tough month on my budget. It seems as though almost halfway through May, I ran out of grocery money. Then again, when I stocked up on liquor and Whitley's nuts, I guess that took care of that. And I only did two blood donations in the first 20 days or so of the month, so I'm picking that up to try to get some extra cash for expenses. And June won't be a whole lot easier as I start with a $74 charge for mom's Mother's Day gift.

2) I had absolutely no idea what to do for Memorial Day. I mean, I never have a day where I have absolutely no commitments. And that includes Sundays, which involve church and then sometimes the Jets. But this Monday, I have absolutely nothing to do and I can do what I choose. I decided to go tubing down the James River. I haven't gone tubing in many years, but I'm really looking forward to it.

3) If a phone charger is advertised as being a wireless charger, wouldn't that imply that you don't need a plug and outlet in order to charge it? Sure, you'll need to charge the charger, but once that's powered up... tech companies, does this not make sense?

4) In some exciting news, it looks as though we have found a buyer for our house in St. Charles. I really hope mom find some place to retire where she can be content and happy. I know her standards are way up there, so it's difficult for her. But after all the crap she has been through in the last 20 years, she really deserves to be happy for her remaining years. And I hope that's a lot more years.

5) On my way to Citi Field. I've got about 45 minutes until I board the plane from Virginia to LaGuardia. And hopefully afterwards,  I'll get to meet a certain girl who I've been talking to in the last week. It's one of those where I would really like it to work out, but I've been disappointed and let down so many times, that I don't want to get my hopes up.

Back to Chi town, part 3

Cleaners to get my suit

Picked up potted plants at Lowe's with mom

She's pretty desperate to get this house sold

But it's not as if she has her next residence picked out

Thankfully, we didn't fight on this trip

Drop off at the Courtyard hotel in Arlington Heights

McAllister's catered the pre-wedding at the chapel

Tried to show one of the guys how to tie a tie

I'm amazed there are men in their 30's who don't know how

Two of the other ushers could've passed for Aiden English and Rusev

The wedding went about as well as it could've, only about 30 minutes

I got to read 1 Corinthians 13

The pastor used about 4 or 5 Star Wars references

Lindsay's 3 year old son was the ring bearer and he's an absolutely awesome kid.

Off to the reception where I mainly drank red wine

After Matt and his mom did their dance, the Rangers goal song came on, so of course, I had to sing the "Let's Go Rangers"

Natalie and I then left for Hart's birthday party at Pac Man Entertainment

I only stayed a half hour, but I saw so many old friends.

I was nearly in tears, but I couldn't bring myself to cry. 

These people comprised the bulk of my social life for eight years.

Michael, Mario, Jennifer, Kim, Jeff, Christina, etc

The next morning, I went to the private breakfast buffet at the hotel and watched the newly married couple open their gifts

Everybody in the room looked like they were ready to fall over and pass out asleep. 

We stayed in the room a little late and missed church, bad job.

After a quick Starbucks run, she dropped me off at Kuma's in Schaumburg

Met up with Q

He's never been one to talk about his personal life, but I could tell he needed an escape and he was thankful I provided that for him

Unfortunately he was wearing all Cubs gear, including a 2016 ring.

Amazing burgers

He dropped me off at O'Hare around 1 pm

I got bumped off two nonstop flights and there was no way to connect to Philly or Charlotte, unless I left at 11 pm and even then, the Monday morning flights to Virginia looked terrible

Slept overnight in this God forsaken airport

Time to hit up the Admirals Club

Four glasses of red wine, topped off with a Budweiser for dessert

I got the last seat on the first nonstop the next morning

My alternative was to fly to Richmond an hour later, rent a car, drive to Norfolk, get my bag and car, and drive back north to Newport News and go to work for a couple of hours

As it turned out, I arrived around 11:30 and the boss was understanding.

Just had a lot more time to make up during the week

Back to Chi town, part 2

Friday was for downtown and the rehearsal
On my drive to Rosemont, I got stopped by a freight train on Stearns Rd
Some things truly never change

Blue line from Rosemont

There was the slightest chill outside

Only fitting weather for springtime in Chicago

First stop was Do-Rite donuts in the Theater district

Cinnamon raised

Meyers lemon pistachio
Milk

Headed to the Riverwalk to enjoy the view and the first donut

Chicago Vietnam Memorial was there also

The plan was to visit the Museum of Broadcast Communications at 10 am, when they opened.

It was only 9:15 at the time, so I had a little while to kill.

Walked up the Magnificent Mile and Michigan Ave

Saw way too many Cubs logos

Clear day

360 Chicago observatory, formerly just the Hancock tower

Took loads of photographs

Walked back south to Kidzie St

Museum of Broadcast Communications is closed till late May

So I decided it was time to eat again.

Piece for New Haven style pizza

Bacon, clams, and roasted peppers

Absolutely divine

Took the train to the Museum campus

Photos

JP Graziano

Mr. G sandwich

Good to be recognized

Blue line back to my car

Drove to the Alpine Chapel for the wedding rehearsal

Finished off the cinnamon donut in the parking lot

Rehearsal dinner at Onion Pub

Burgers, brats, chicken breasts, chips, veggies, and cookies

Plenty of meat

Maybe 50 of us

Saw Lindsay and Natalie again

Got my gifts from the groom

Tie and socks 

Star Wars tie

Ironic considering I've never seen any of the films

Back to Chi town, part 1

I really am amazed that I allowed myself to get so stressed this morning. I let it first happen in the Norfolk airport parking garage, one of the most confusing I've ever seen. I got stuck behind a female senior citizen, driving a bright red Chevy, and she was driving at the speed of a confused turtle.

Then it happened again in the ticket line. The layout of the American check in area just didn't make sense. I've flown out of this airport more than a couple of times now. But I'd never seen the line quite this long. At first, I thought it was the line to access the check in kiosks. But after about ten minutes, I saw an empty kiosk and nobody was walking to it. I soon realized I was standing in a line for checking in and dropping off bags. With the line growing behind me, I realized I had to go to the kiosk quickly. I checked in and then had to get back on line, which was now maybe 20 people longer.

Inside, I felt such panic and stress. I genuinely worried that this line was moving so slow that either I wouldn't be able to check my bags in on time, or that I wouldn't be able to reach the gate. For one of the first times, I realized the impatience in me that my mother, and possibly others, are so sensitive to. 

Now I've never denied impatience in my spirit. But now, I was realizing what it would look like if a friend or relative or significant other was in my presence. How would that affect that relationship?

The crazy part of it was I got to the gate 45 minutes before departure time and easily got a seat, as I was the only standby passenger for the flight. But oh my God in heaven, did I get tested again. The loudest kids in the history of airlines. Sitting right behind...you guessed it, me!

Note: fast forward to Sunday. I'm sitting alone in an airport lounge. I'm stuck here overnight. I don't have the attention span or focus to write full paragraphs. So we're just going with bullet points. 

Amazing Grace film

Aretha Franklin's voice is unmatched

Too much rain

Nobel house restaurant in Geneva

Zombie dust beer from 3 Floyd's!

Brisket chili

Rib eye sandwich with Swiss, tomato, arugula, and steak sauce on an onion roll. 

Yahtzee with mom

Gym

Free pass thanks to mom's membership

40 minutes on the elliptical 

Half hour lifting

Steam room and sauna, first time in maybe 5 years

I wish I'd brought flip flops

You don't talk to a man you don't know in the steam room... man code violation!

iPod drama

I hate that computer

Administrative privileges required?

90 minutes on the phone with Geek Squad 

This computer gives me a new issue every time I'm with it

Mentally exhausted, but okay

The last 2 weeks have probably been the most stressful I have ever had at a job. I came back from my Chicago odyssey expecting to be busy knowing that Monday May 6th was one of our 3 busiest starts of the calendar year.  I knew I would have to certify all the April students, about 175 in all. I would also have to scan 50 files and the documents for each of them into the system for new students as well as create folders for all of them and then I would have to correct any errors that quality control had found.

And if that's not enough, I came back to find out that we were being audited by the state the following Monday and I had to prepare 25 files. Now this audit goes back 5 years, I have been doing this job for about 9 months. I have a lot of financial aid experience but very little in military. So I knew there were going to be mistakesn; the key was to find the mistakes before the auditors didn't. Because if we don't score well enough, we are at the risk of losing are certifying privileges, and if we lose our certifying privileges, that means that I don't have a job anymore. Probably between Monday afternoon and Thursday night, I was not able to relax at all.

The only thing that put my mind at ease was I came in for overtime on Friday, day I was supposed to be off. I went through all 25 files with my boss and the financial aid director downstairs, who actually has VA experience. We did a good job at finding the errors we needed to and correcting them. So the audit then happened on Monday, and from what I know now, it went decently, but there were mistakes. My hope is we did well enough to where I will not have to see them for another couple of years.

And even after the audit ended, I was still slammed. I had another 30 files to work with documents the scan, plus re entries, I really didn't slow down until Thursday afternoon. And now I found out that I'm going to get some federal aid work as well, which I'm happy to do as we're going to need the help and I want to take on more responsibility.

The good thing is I feel my job is not in jeopardy which I have to admit I was afraid of. It's not that I had committed any firable offenses, but I am just so sensitive to work problems. I'm trying to learn to be content whatever the circumstances, but negative circumstances at work still scare me.

Evolving as a Sports Fan

Ask anyone who's known me longer than about ten minutes knows that sports have been a major part of my life. I think it goes back to my father, since that's what he basically gave me.

I root for the Mets. I root for the Jets. I root for the Rangers. I root for the Knicks. I did root for Greg Norman in golf, nobody ever took his place. I used to root for Syracuse basketball, eventually switching to NC State once the Orangemen abandoned the Big East. I support the Portland Timbers, aside from the f@g flags some of their supporters inexplicably wave at the games.

I have given my support with full passion and energy, even though I have not lived in in New York or New Jersey in over 20 years. I have taken time off work for these teams. I have planned trips around these teams. I have sacrificed friendships and relationships for these teams. And I don't know where or how it fits me now.

The Mets season is only one month old. And although they're at .500, I already feel emotionally bankrupt. I don't think it was seeing a walk off loss at the only game I attended. I think more than anything, it's two things.

One is keeping my hopes down at the risk of being disappointed. I haven't seen a championship since June 14, 1994. I've seen my teams make appearances in finals, but they've repeatedly gotten defeated in five games. Knicks in 1999, Mets in 2000, Rangers in 2014, Mets in 2015. The Knicks have won one playoff series since 2000. The Jets haven't made the playoffs in nine years. The Rangers had seven years in the abyss before an 11 year run where almost always made the playoffs, won many series, experienced wonderful memories, but never won the Stanley Cup. It has been pain on pain. It's what I've come to expect.

And two, and I can't believe I'll say this, but it's the fans. The terrible, hateful people who constantly refer to certain players as garbage or trash. It has become an absolute drain seeing hateful posts from supposed fans. And I say this as someone who is known as a crazy fan, especially when I go to a game. But now I have less of a desire to go to games, knowing I'll get aggravated as soon as something goes wrong. If I can't handle even trailing in a game, why am I spending my money and going?

At the games, I'm crazy. At home alone, I'm numb. This isn't what I want. So I ask myself why am I like this and how do I handle this? I don't want to cut sports off and I don't know if I could. I've made great friends through sports, met women because of sports. It's non stop action, and it's better than following world news and political updates, which are pretty much always depressing.

I just don't have an answer as of this moment. I don't know what the solution is, and even if I did, how could I live that solution out?