Ask anyone who's known me longer than about ten minutes knows that sports have been a major part of my life. I think it goes back to my father, since that's what he basically gave me.
I root for the Mets. I root for the Jets. I root for the Rangers. I root for the Knicks. I did root for Greg Norman in golf, nobody ever took his place. I used to root for Syracuse basketball, eventually switching to NC State once the Orangemen abandoned the Big East. I support the Portland Timbers, aside from the f@g flags some of their supporters inexplicably wave at the games.
I have given my support with full passion and energy, even though I have not lived in in New York or New Jersey in over 20 years. I have taken time off work for these teams. I have planned trips around these teams. I have sacrificed friendships and relationships for these teams. And I don't know where or how it fits me now.
The Mets season is only one month old. And although they're at .500, I already feel emotionally bankrupt. I don't think it was seeing a walk off loss at the only game I attended. I think more than anything, it's two things.
One is keeping my hopes down at the risk of being disappointed. I haven't seen a championship since June 14, 1994. I've seen my teams make appearances in finals, but they've repeatedly gotten defeated in five games. Knicks in 1999, Mets in 2000, Rangers in 2014, Mets in 2015. The Knicks have won one playoff series since 2000. The Jets haven't made the playoffs in nine years. The Rangers had seven years in the abyss before an 11 year run where almost always made the playoffs, won many series, experienced wonderful memories, but never won the Stanley Cup. It has been pain on pain. It's what I've come to expect.
And two, and I can't believe I'll say this, but it's the fans. The terrible, hateful people who constantly refer to certain players as garbage or trash. It has become an absolute drain seeing hateful posts from supposed fans. And I say this as someone who is known as a crazy fan, especially when I go to a game. But now I have less of a desire to go to games, knowing I'll get aggravated as soon as something goes wrong. If I can't handle even trailing in a game, why am I spending my money and going?
At the games, I'm crazy. At home alone, I'm numb. This isn't what I want. So I ask myself why am I like this and how do I handle this? I don't want to cut sports off and I don't know if I could. I've made great friends through sports, met women because of sports. It's non stop action, and it's better than following world news and political updates, which are pretty much always depressing.
I just don't have an answer as of this moment. I don't know what the solution is, and even if I did, how could I live that solution out?
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