Jets Blog-The Saga of Blake Cashman

When the news broke this past week that the New York Jets had traded oft-injured linebacker Blake Cashman to the Houston Texans for a 2023 sixth round draft pick, that sound that could be heard all over the country was the thud of the jaws of Jets fans hitting the ground. A player who felt like he was getting hurt just by rolling out of bed wasn’t cut, Joe Douglas was able to actually acquire a draft asset for him. So with this 3 year odyssey at an end, let’s pay our respects to Mr Cashman.

The Saga of Blake Cashman

2019

The Jets drafted Cashman in the fifth round (157th overall) of the 2019 NFL Draft, a class that brought us the likes of Quinnen Williams, Trevon Wesco, Bless Austin, Chuma Edoga, and Jachai Polite. His career got off to a promising start. In his first 7 games, he recorded 27 solo tackles, 3 tackles for loss, 3 QB hits, ½ sack, 1 pass defensed, and 1 forced fumble.

Week 8 vs Jacksonville

But on October 27, he suffered a torn labrum. Four days later, he was placed on season-ending IR. A somewhat promising rookie season had been snuffed out.

Games played: 7

IR stints: 1

Injuries: Torn Labrum

2020

But then there was a new year, new hope. 2020 came around. Joe Douglas was the new general manager by now. And Cashman, who had gotten past his shoulder injury had an opportunity to win a starting linebacker spot for a Jets defense that was sorely lacking playmakers.

Week 1 vs Buffalo

On September 13, 2020, in the first quarter of the season opener, he hurt his groin. Two days later, he was placed on IR. By league rules, he had to sit out at least 3 games, well, he missed 4. He was activated on October 17 for Week 6.

Week 7 vs Buffalo

After getting through one game vs Miami, he hurt both his hamstrings on the turf of Met Life Stadium. But he did not go on IR, he was considered week to week.

Week 12 vs Miami

After missing 4 weeks, he returned Nov 29 for a game against Miami. And in that game, he recorded one tackle before leaving the game after aggravating said hamstring injury. On December 3, 2020, he was placed back on injured reserve, terminating his season.

Games played: 4

IR stints: 2

Injuries: Strained groin, Strained hamstrings

2021

But then came his third year, 2021. There was a whole new coaching staff. Robert Saleh and Jeff Ulbrich. The Jets linebacker group was comprised of such household names as Jarrad Davis, Jamien Sherwood, and Del’Shawn Phillips.

Week 1 vs Carolina

Did he get through his first game against? You can probably guess, of course he didn’t! He hurt his hamstring in the season opener and on September 14, he was placed on injured reserve and was expected to miss 2 weeks. No, he didn’t miss 2, he missed 3.

Week 5 vs Atlanta

But then Cashman was healthy enough to make the trip to Tottenham for the Jets Trans-Atlantic showdown vs the Atlanta Falcons. He was activated on October 9, 2021. He had the chance to show all the fans of Europe what kind of toughness he had, he could show off his agility, his quickness, his tackling. In the game, he never showed up on the stats sheet. Not even a tackle.

Week 7 vs New England

Following the bye, he hurt his groin in Gillette Stadium on October 24. Within 2 days, he was placed back on injured reserve, and the injury turned out to be season-ending.

Games played: 3

IR Stints: 2

Injuries: Strained hamstring, strained groin

Summary

So let’s look at the totality. In 3 years, he played 14 games and had 5 IR stints. He played 7 games in his rookie year and recorded 27 tackles. In his second and third years, he combined for 7 games and made only 7 tackles.

And the fact that Joe Douglas netted a draft pick that will likely fall about 20-25 spots behind where he was actually drafted in 2019, well, this may be Joe’s most improbable trade yet. It makes me wonder how many first round picks he could net for Denzel Mims!

NY travel highlights

1. Faiccos Italian Deli

The first thing I did after landing in Queens and dropping our luggage at the AC hotel was to take the 1 train to Christopher Street, probably the last area in New York I'd ever want to be. 

I paced through the freezing rain and met up with my ex, Jen. I paid 20 bucks for an Italian sub with Genoa salami, prosciutto, mortadella, fresh mozz, lettuce, tomato, and roasted peppers on a semolina seeded roll. There are no rolls like them outside of the New York metro area. And this sandwich had about three times as much meat and cheese as it did vegetables! Half a sandwich and I was good

We even saw they had the prosciutto bread, which is basically a meat bagel. That became dessert. 

2. Dog Museum

I wanted to make sure I made a stop over here. There wasn't really a ton to it, mostly artwork, paintings, and sculptures. They had an interactive exhibit where I got to train a virtual Molly, I taught her to fetch a ball, to sit, to roll over etc. 

I did see a lot of French bulldogs, and after taking care of my buddy Bruno back in 2019 for a few days, it of course got me going. Not so much for cocker spaniels though. 

Museum admission was 15 bucks to the American Kennel Club. It seemed like an overcharge, but if some of the proceeds are going to help dogs, then it's with the price. 

3. MLB store

It was a fantastic new store, lots of variety. I spent a full hour inside with my father, who spent most of his time lamenting how terrible the Braves merchandise looks.  And at the end of that hour, all I bought was a set of wristbands for ten bucks. The best item was an orange and cream 3/4 sleeve Mets t shirt. Trouble was they didn't have a large size.

My shopping was widely disappointing. One of the purposes of my trip was to buy some good Jets gear for my local group. 

I went to Target, TJ Maxx, Chammps, even a couple of discount stores. The only place I really had much success was Party City. It's pretty baffling to me that Manhattan has stores for MLB, NBA, and NHL, but not the NFL.

4. Ben and Jack's

What a ridiculously great dinner, the first with both my parents since July 2017. This steakhouse is basically one of the few that gave from Peter Luger. We began with the  baked clams oreganato, we hadn't had these kind of clams in years. They were so good we ordered an extra half dozen. And of course, the sizzling thick cut bacon, nearly a full inch thick, 8 bucks a slice. Take some of that bacon, their tomato and onion salad, and add a little of the house sauce, which was kind of like a cocktail sauce with slightly sweet tanginess, and every taste sense gets engaged. 

And then of course, the porterhouse steak

Sliced into large pieces, served on a ripping hot plate, which was slightly tilted on the table so the steak juices and butter could accumulate at the bottom of the dish. Pure heaven, the most tender, perfectly aged Porterhouse. 

And the sides. The hand cut steak fries didn't even need a dipping sauce. Crispy on the outside, tender inside, nicely seasoned. And the creamless creamed spinach, wow. This tasted like sauteed olive oil and garlic spinach but and the smooth silky taste of creamed spinach. I'm not sure how they did it, but I may have to work on figuring that one out. Bottle of Napa Pinot Noir was wonderful. 

5. Joes pizza

We got our much needed pizza fix. And Joe's is about the best place to get it. Perfect large slice. Thin crispy and chewy crust, good quality sauce and cheese. 

6. Phone fix

The strangest part of my trip was my cell phone suddenly failing on Saturday afternoon. It couldn't read my SIM card leaving me unable to text, call, or access the mobile network. In the middle of the Rangers viewing party, I excused myself and went to a local Verizon store, which got me nowhere. 

So Sunday morning, after being unable to get a rep on the phone, not shockingly, we went to the Soho location. The store opened at 11 am, well, we were standing in front of the store by 10:30. And with 15 minutes, the guy had my phone working again. 

7. Rangers viewing party 

I arrived at McHales Irish pub around 2 pm and I was so ready to see some of these people I hadn't seen in over ten years. Thankfully neither my ex nor any of her family showed up, which Facebook indicated was going to happen. I drank a local IPA, and that was it. A few guys were even giving out free red bull and vodka and I took a pass. 

In the raffles, my tickets weren't chosen. I had never heard of the wingspan concept, where someone spreads their arms out, the tickets are unrolled and they buy all the tickets that can be rolled out from one hand to the other. Right there I should have known I wasnt winning. But I was given a Bob Brooke card, and Jim even gave me a puck and pint glass. And we couldn't even celebrate a goal, as the Rangers dropped a frustrating game to Pittsburgh 1-0.

8. Meatball Shop

After the defeat, I headed to dinner. Of course, my phone was out by now and I had no way of telling mom since she wasn't checking Facebook messenger.

We went with the meatball sampler, Italian salad, and shrimp fra diavolo. All tasted very nice, though I could have done without the chicken bone piece in the chicken meatball. It's just a shame they had the f¡ag flying.

9. Off Broadway show

Saturday night, went went to a show. We wanted to see MJ, the show about Michael Jackson. But with tickets at over 140 each, we instead spent 40 each to go off Broadway to see The Show That Goes Wrong. It had a lot of physical comedy, and indeed it was very funny in spots. The annoying part was we had to wear masks for the full 2 and a half hours. The were even ushers holding up signs that said Mask up. I was so ready to leave. I can understand asking for vaccination proof to get in certain places, but masks while we're watching a show just seemed over the top, esp if we're required to be vaccinated. Oh that's right.... the masks are BS.

Afterwards we went back to the room, and finished off the four pieces of steak and the first piece of Junior's cheesecake, the pineapple crumb. So delicious!

10. Katz's Deli

We were both disappointed to be missing church but I knew I had to get my phone fixed. So after taking care of that, we headed to the best deli, Katz's. Mom asked for waiter service, which I didn't expect. For me, it's all about ordering a sandwich at the counter and watching the cutter do the carving. 

But we waited 20 minutes online to get a table and we split two sandwiches. One was a pastrami with Swiss cheese and mustard, you can't come here and not get pastrami. We also got roast beef with dressing from a country in Europe and Asia that I won't identify, Swiss, lettuce, and tomato. Unbelievably great. I just wish the rye bread had a little more crust or some caraway seed. 

The potato salad was creamy for my taste, but a little salt, pepper and mustard did the trick. With the pickles, I prefer the full sours, which is odd for me, I've always been a half sour fan. And the rye bread needed caraway seeds and crunch. I've seriously had better rye bread in LA.

Bonus: AC hotel

It was a nicely kept hotel with a strong European and Spanish influence with the design. But no coffee service, not much storage space, no dressers, there was a broken pump on the shower gel. And with one bar of soap that mom had used first, I was stuck with using shampoo.

And I have to say something about the people. There is way too much smoking going on and maybe that's the foreigners. But the streets smell of weed now. It's so bad I swear I'm in Jamaica and I don't mean Queens. 

Jets Blog-All time Jets GM rankings

We're going to look at the history of NY Jets general managers and grade their performance. We're taking into account drafts, coaching changes, trades, waiver moves, and as of 1993, unrestricted free agency.

Steve Sebo (1960-1961)

The first GM, hired by original owner Harry Wismer. He is not responsible for signing Don Maynard, that is on coach Sammy Baugh who had coached against Maynard in college. One highlight was he drafted linebacker Larry Grantham in the original AFL draft held in November 1959. The following draft, he selected a future Hall of Famer in a running back named Herb Adderley. Unfortunately, the Green Bay Packers outbid the Titans and he was soon converted to cornerback. The rest is history. None of his other picks really stand out. Sebo left the Titans in 1962 to become the athletic director at the University of Virginia. It certainly wasn't the last time in franchise history someone would leave the Jets for Virginia (see Al Groh).

Team record: 14-14, .500%

Grade: C+

George Sauer Sr. (1962)

In his only draft, Sauer drafted Sandy Stephens, quarterback from Minnesota, with his first round pick. However, the Jets never intended to use him as a quarterback and he headed straight to the Canadian Football League for three years. As director of player personnel, Sauer influenced the draft of his own son George Sauer as a wide receiver. Sauer remained with the Jets until 1969 when he was named general manager of the Boston Patriots

Team record: 5-9, .357%

Grade: D

Weeb Ewbank (1963-1974)

Weeb is often lauded for being the only coach to take the Jets to a Super Bowl and win it. But he is also the driving force behind constructing that roster. 1963 brought Dave Herman in Round 27 as well as the signing of Winston Hill following his release from Baltimore. 1964 gave Matt Snell in Round 1 (Weeb outbid the Giants for his services), Gerry Philbin and Ralph Baker. Weeb Ewbank also found an undrafted tackle from Hofstra named John Schmitt and moved him to center. Then came 1965 which only resulted in Joe Namath and an underrated gem in Verlon Biggs. Emerson Boozer and Pete Lammons were found late in the 1966 draft. 1969 first rounder Dave Foley became a solid right tackle, albeit for Buffalo as the Jets traded him away after two seasons.

But as was typical in the 1960's, there were many picks who signed with NFL teams since college players could be drafted by both leagues at that time. There were also first round failures such as William Yearby in 1966, whose NFL career ended after 9 games and offensive lineman Paul Seiler who left for Oakland after two seasons.

And after that Super Bowl win in 1969, Weeb is as responsible as anyone for the team coming undone in the early 1970's. A lot of players wanted more money and Weeb as GM, rarely granted it. Bob Talamini, Bill Baird, Curley Johnson, and Randy Beverly were let go for nothing. Biggs, the defensive line stalwart, exercised an option in his contract and bolted for Washington. Baker recalls that Ewbank would tell players not to disclose how much they were making to players who played the same position. And the players would tell Weeb to not worry, they were just as embarrassed about it as he was. 

As for the drafts of the early 1970's, it was more miss than hit. For every John Riggins or Jerome Barkum, there would be a Steve Cannon, John Mooring, or Michael Taylor. After the team lost seven of its first eight games in 1974, Ewbank resigned as vice president and general manager.

Team record: 77-77-6, .500%

Grade: B

Al Ward (1974-1976)

The most notable thing Ward did was hire the infamous Lou Holtz as head coach, which lasted all of 14 games and left us with a dreadful fight song. His drafting, well, terrible start. 1974's number one pick was defensive tackle Carl Barzilauskas, widely panned by the NY media as a cream puff. Running back Anthony Davis was the top pick in 1975 and his career was over after 15 less than memorable games. But in 1976, he did draft Richard Todd, Greg Buttle, and Abdul Salaam (in round 7).

One other story: just four days before the start of the 1976 season, Ward and Holtz felt the Jets needed a few more players. Ward put in claims for nine players, hoping to snag a few of them. Well, he wound up with seven since almost no other team wanted any of those players. By league rule, the Jets had to add all seven to their roster and cut seven of their own players, a turnover of one-sixth of the roster!

Team record: 13-29, .310%

Grade: C-

Jim Kensil (1977-1987)

Kensil came to the Jets after serving as executive director of the NFL under Pete Rozelle from 1968-1977. The Jets began their revival under his watch, hiring Walt Michaels as head coach and drafting Marvin Powell, Wesley Walker, Scott Dierking, Joe Klecko, and Dan Alexander...and that was just in 1977. Later drafts, run by personnel director Mike Hickey, would bring studs like Chris Ward, Mickey Shuler, Marty Lyons, Mark Gastineau, Lance Mehl, Al Toon, and Freeman McNeil, but also first round disappointments like Johnny Lam Jones, Bob Crable, Russell Carter, Ron Faurot, Mike Haight (who was so surprised, he admitted he expected to be drafted in a later round), and of course the decision to draft Ken O'Brien ahead of Dan Marino.

While the Jets enjoyed a solid run of playoff appearances under Kensil, it cannot be overlooked that he also initiated the decision to fire Michaels just days after the Jets lost the 1982 AFC Championship game. He was also known for making swift decisions when a player criticized management. He once cut a linebacker named Bob Martin, who had criticized Michaels one day earlier. Kensil was ultimately forced to resign in 1988 due to a heart ailment and continued rooting for the Jets until his passing in 1997.

Team record: 80-85-1, .485%

Grade: B

Joe Walton (1988-1989)

Walton coached the Jets seven years, far longer than he served as general manager (18 months). His one draft yielded Dennis Byrd, Tony Martin, and Marvin Washington. Of course, his first round pick was Jeff Lageman, the video of which would end up in lore on the ESPN Jets draft failures video, prompting Mel Kiper to say that the Jets had no idea what the NFL draft is all about. Also, Mark Gastineau retired on his watch and Walton was unable to talk him out of it.

Team record: 12-19-1, .391%

Grade: C

Dick Steinberg (1990-1994)

He came over from New England, the man fully in charge taking over from a committee of managers and directors who all controlled various aspects of football operations. He hired Ron Wolf as assistant GM, who would leave for Green Bay and construct one of the great teams of the 90s. He tried to hire Mike Holmgren as coach...but he stayed in San Francisco as offensive coordinator. He quickly tried to start a new era, acquiring quarterback Boomer Esiason, former league MVP.

His drafts, well, they were remarkably mixed. His first pick: Blair Thomas, instead of Cortez Kennedy, Junior Seau, or Emmitt Smith. He also took Rob Moore, the Syracuse WR, in the supplemental, but that would cost the Jets their first round pick in 1991 and that would prove to devastate the franchise. One of the biggest what could have been stories is the 1991 draft when the Jets wanted Brett Favre early in the second round, but could not finalize a trade with Arizona to move up two spots to 32. Atlanta snatched up Favre at 33, and at 34, the Jets instead settled for Browning Nagle, who lasted 24 games in the NFL. Then came 1992, and Steinberg's first two picks were Johnny Mitchell and Kurt Barber. 1993 was a highly productive draft year, netting Marvin Jones, Fred Baxter, Adrian Murrell, and Richie Anderson. However, it was also the first year of unrestricted free agency and while the Jets hosted legendary sackmaster Reggie White, they were not able to secure him as the Minister of Defense signed with Green Bay.

Sadly, Steinberg passed away of stomach cancer in 1995.

Team record: 32-48, .400%

Grade: B-

Dick Haley (1994-1995)

He came from Pittsburgh, having run the Steelers draft for two decades. Most of his time with the Jets would be as an assistant. Aaron Glenn was a fine pick in 1994, but the remainder of that class combined to play 93 NFL games. 1995...that draft also lives in infamy. The chant is so well known.

"We want Sapp!" 

Instead we heard, "The New York Jets select tight end from Penn State Kyle Brady." 

Hugh Douglas was on his way to being an excellent pick, but since he didn't fit the 3-4 defense, he was traded to Philadelphia. 

He also gave a longshot WR named Wayne Chrebet an opportunity, and he became one of the most beloved Jets of all time. Haley would stay with the franchise until 2007

Team record: 9-23, .281%

Grade: B

Rich Kotite (1995-1996)

Well we know the incompetence of Richie as head coach, probably only Adam Gase and Lou Holtz could be considered on such an impressive level of incompetence. At least they did draft Keyshawn Johnson on his watch. Also from that draft, Ray Mickens and Marcus Coleman were fine assets for the secondary. Going into 1996, the Jets signed quarterback Neil O'Donnell, a pair of tackles in David Williams and Jumbo Elliott, and WR Jeff Graham. Ron Erhardt came in as offensive coordinator, so the offense should have been ready to roll! The team finished 1-15 and Leon Hess cleaned house.

Team record: 4-28, .125%

Grade: C-

Bill Parcells (1997-2000)

Leon Hess wanted Parcells to cook the dinner and was willing to let him shop for the groceries. And many times, Parcells was shopping at Whole Foods. Kevin Mawae was a stalwart at center for eight years, making six Pro Bowls, as he was signed away from Seattle. He saw untapped potential in a struggling QB named Vinny Testaverde. Oh, and he signed Curtis Martin to an offer sheet, who went on to a Hall of Fame career.

The drafts? 1997 worked out well with James Farrior and Jason Ferguson picked in the 1st and 7th rounds, respectively. Dedric Ward was a nice 3rd round snag, 1998 yielded Jason Fabini at left tackle, and nothing else. 1999 gave us Randy Thomas at guard, and again, nothing else. But then the greatness of 2000. Shaun Ellis, John Abraham, Chad Pennington, Anthony Becht, and Laveranues Coles, maybe the best draft in franchise history.

Team record: 38-26, .593%

Grade: A-

Terry Bradway (2001-2005)

After Parcells stepped away and Leon Hess sold the team to Woody Johnson, Bradway came in as GM with Herman Edwards as head coach. Things started off well, his first draft resulting in Santana Moss, Lamont Jordan, and Kareem McKenzie. 2002 wasn't too bad, as they got Bryan Thomas, Chris Baker, and a safety named Jon McGraw, though another safety named Ed Reed was available to be picked instead of Thomas.

Following the Jets having their magical division winning season, hopes were high going into 2003. Bradway had a disastrous offseason, losing Laveranues Coles, Chad Morton, Randy Thomas, and John Hall, all to Washington. To replace Coles, Bradway signed Justin McCareins, surrendering a second round pick and giving McCareins 7 years and $30 million. In four seasons with the Jets, McCareins caught a total of seven touchdowns and failed to surpass 800 yards in a season. The other WR added? Curtis Conway, who caught 46 passes and 1 touchdown and was promptly released.

And the draft that year wasn't much better as he packaged two first round picks and a 4 to move up to 4th overall and draft DT Dewayne Robertson, who didn't even play 100 games in the NFL. 2004 was much better, as the team drafted Jonathan Vilma, Jerricho Cotchery, and Erik Coleman. But coming off the Jets run to the AFC divisional round that was lost in Pittsburgh in large part to kicking woes, Bradway would have one last disaster in 2005. He traded a first round pick for a mediocre at best tight end in Doug Jolley, and then drafted kicker Mike Nugent in the second round.

Credit to him, he held onto a scouting job in the organization until 2014.

Team record: 35-41, 460%

Grade: D

Mike Tannenbaum (2006-2012)

Mr. T got his process off to a flying start, with the infamous Nick and Brick draft, taking D'Brickashaw Ferguson and Nick Mangold, solidifying the Jets offensive line. That same draft would also give the Jets Brad Smith and Leon Washington. In 2007, they only had 4 picks, but one of those would picks would be the great Darrelle Revis, one of the best defensive players in team history. Another was David Harris, who would play 164 games at linebacker for the Jets. This year began a trend of the Jets having only a few picks in most years, leaving little room for error. They had only 3 picks in 2009 and 4 in 2010. Muhammad Wilkerson got off to a great start in his career before flaming out. Kyle Wilson, a complete bust. DeMario Davis was a fine 3rd round pick in 2012, although his most productive days would come in New Orleans. Unfortunately, before him, the Jets drafted Quinton Coples and Stephen Hill in the first two rounds.

Free agency started off well, Alen Faneca was a fantastic signing at left guard. Kris Jenkins was a tremendous run stuffing defensive tackle until injuries slowed him down. And the signings became frustrating in the later years. In 2011, the Jets let Jerricho Cotchery go and replaced him with 37 year old Derrick Mason, which failed spectacularly, as he would be gone after two months. They also invested 5 years and $45 million in Santonio Holmes instead of Braylon Edwards. His pursuit of Nnamdi Asomugah opened the door for versatile weapon Brad Smith to bolt for Buffalo.

Team record: 57-55, .508%

Grade: B

John Idzik (2013-2014)

Let's keep this brief as possible. The best thing he ever did was trade for Chris Ivory. Sheldon Richardson and Brian Winters were okay picks, Dee Milliner was not. Geno Smith was not. The infamous Idzik 12 of the 2014 draft resulted in two players who could even be considered marginal, in Quincy Enunwa and Dakota Dozier, a career backup who is the only player of the 12 to play in at least 50 NFL games. 

Team record: 12-20, .375%

Grade: F

Mike MacCagnan (2015-2019)

The name garners a lot of hate amongst Jaets faithful, and indeed, his drafting largely failed. Leonard Williams was a decent defensive lineman, but never the difference maker Jets fans hoped he'd be. He did have one Pro Bowl season for the Giants in 2020 after being traded, but regressed to his decent form in 2021. Decent role players were found in Jordan Jenkins and Brandon Shell, but underachievers such as Darron Lee, Sam Darnold, and Devin Smith will make many a Jet fan groan. As opposed to previous GMs who would draft multiple offensive linemen with premium picks, MacCagnan drafted just one in five drafts: Chuma Edoga.

The biggest mistake may have been drafting Christian Hackenberg. He had shown bright spots his freshman year at Penn St, but backslid his next two seasons. While admired for his intelligence in the film room, it didn't translate to production on the field. His passes were never accurate on a consistent level. He never played a regular season game for the Jets and was gone after two years. Here's the worst part. Because of the Jets believing in Hack's potential, they saw no need to draft a DeShaun Watson or Patrick Mahomes in the following year's draft.

Trumaine Johnson was one of the worst free agency signings the Jets ever had, as he got beat up legendary receivers such as the Bills' Robert Foster. $72 million over 5 years with $34 million guaranteed. Starting with the 2022 season, the Jets are no longer paying Johnson to not be on the team.

Jamal Adams and Marcus Maye are both fine safeties, but to use your first two picks on safety just never made any sense. On the positive side, Foley Fatukasi was a 6th round gem.

Team record: 24-40, .375% 

Grade: D

Joe Douglas (2019-Present)

It's difficult to evaluate a draft class after two years, but the 2020 draft is getting harder to defend. Mekhi Becton has shown he can be a very capable left tackle if he can stay on the field. Bryce Hall was a steal at cornerback in the fifth round and has proven to be a legitimate starter, even if he isn't the second coming of Darrelle Revis.

The class of 2021 is off to an incredible start, maybe the best draft since 2004. The draft has provided four legitimate starters on offense (Zach Wilson, Michael Carter, Alijah Vera-Tucker, Elijah Moore) and young depth in the secondary (Michael Carter, Jason Pinnock, Brandin Echols).

Free agency was a mixed bag with prized pass rusher Carl Lawson tearing his Achilles in the pre-season and Corey Davis performing inconsistently before missing the last five games of the season. Injuries also prevented LaMarcus Joyner and Vinny Curry from seeing the field. But to get a starting right guard for a third string tight end and to then get said tight end back on waivers two weeks later, that is genius.

His trades have been his brightest spots, netting two 1s, a 2, a 3, and two 4s for Sam Darnold, Jamal Adams, and Chris Herndon.

Team record: 13-36, .265%

Grade: Incomplete

Jets Blog-Stay or Go?

The Jets are projected to have 23 total free agents hit the market this winter. Now when a team finishes a season 4-13, how many of those really need to come back? So in this column, I'm going to offer my perspective on every single free agent, whether they should come back, and what kind of a deal I would offer. In addition, I will also select a few players to cut to save on cap space. In a future post, I will look at outside free agency and who the Jets should bring in. Remember free agency begins March 16, so we have plenty of time to break that down.

Cap Space = $54,366,000 (per overthecap.com)

Cuts

RB Ty Johnson ($965,000 savings)

I give Ty credit for this much. He has some nifty footwork and he showed it on his two receiving touchdowns. But 9 drops and 8 pass pressures allowed? 

RB La'Mical Perine ($709,000)

The guy didn't get much of a chance, he wasn't suited to play in this offense. Perine truly strikes me as the ultimate JAG. Hoe doesn't do anything really well, and he doesn't do anything really bad. He's just an ordinary dude. Well, I'm tired of having a lot of ordinary dudes. It's best for both sides to part company.

TE Trevon Wesco ($965,000)

In 12 games, he played anywhere between 2% and 43% of the offensive snaps. He's a pretty fair run blocker, ranking in the top 20 for tight ends, but this offense requires tight ends who can catch the ball and block. In 3 years, he's caught 6 passes on 10 targets for 84 yards. This FB/TE situation needs a major overhaul.

TE Ryan Griffin ($3,288,000)

Can we please move on from this guy? He allowed eight pass pressures, 3rd among tight ends. He caught 27 of 42 targets for a 261 and a pair of touchdowns. Not to mention 3 drops and a fumble. And he may be the most awkward running tight end I have ever seen. The 3 million can be spent better elsewhere.

RG Greg Van Roten ($3,500,000)

The less said the better. Well, let's still look at a few stats. After the Long Island native went out of the starting lineup in Week 11, the Jets averaged 3 more yards per rushing attempt than in Weeks 1-10. Oh and at the time of his benching, he was leading all right guards with 32 pressures allowed.

DT Sheldon Rankins ($5,500,000)

In a 4-3 defense, there needs to be at least one solid run stuffer, and Rankins simply doesn't do it, he was one of the lowest graded run defenders in the league. And at pressuring the passer, well, not much better. He recorded a career-low pressure rate of 5.8%. It was a one year risk that didn't work out.

LB Blake Cashman ($965,000)

Good guy, plays hard, maybe too hard, and hence the Break Glassman moniker.

Cap space to work with: $70,258,000 (this should place the Jets around 4th or 5th in salary cap space)

Free Agents

Note: A restricted free agent (RFA) has three accrued seasons and an expiring contract. They can negotiate and sign with any team, but his original team can offer a tender or qualifying offer that come with the first right of refusal and/or draft pick compensation. If the team withdraws the tender, the player then becomes an unrestricted free agent. An exclusive rights free agent (ERFA) has less than three accrued seasons and an expired contract. If his team offers him a 1 year deal, they player may not negotiate with other teams.

QB Mike White (RFA)

Yep, Mike freaking White. His games against the Bills and Patriots didn't exactly go as hoped, but he played well in his limited time against the Colts and who will ever forget that all-time performance against Cincinnati. I'm thrilled to keep him as a backup and I doubt any team is looking to sign him as their starter.

Verdict: Stay. 1 year, $2 million. I wouldn't go with a first round tender for $4.8 million, and maybe not even a second round tender, that would cost about $3.5 million. But for an original 5th round tender, I'm good with that, it would probably only be a little over 2 million dollars, based off 2021 numbers.

QB Joe Flacco

In two games, Flacco had 27 completions on 42 passes with 3 touchdowns and no picks. Not too shabby. But I'm gonna say Joe hangs them up.

Verdict: Go. Thanks for your services Joe, but Zach has enough coaches now.

RB Tevin Coleman

Verdict: Good for his limited role. I hear people talking about the value of his veteran leadership and I'm not sure how valuable that really is. He didn't score a single touchdown in 2021 and he only caught 11 passes out of the backfield. With 84 carries for 356 yards with a long run of 20 yards, I would offer him a low 1 year deal and if he takes it great.

Verdict: Stay. 1 year, $1 million

FB Nick Bawden

I'm all for having a quality fullback for this offense. Before the season began, I wanted the Jets to prioritize signing Kyle Juszczyk away from San Francisco, but he never even got to the market. Bawden joined the Jets for the second half of the season and showed some talent, especially laying out a mean block on Braxton Berrios' kickoff return touchdown. He has established a special teams asset, and on offense, his role has grown has he played 40 percent of the snaps over the last two weeks of the season. Let's see how much better he can get.

Verdict: Stay. 2 years, $2 million

WR Jamison Crowder

This is one of the tougher decisions to make. On one hand, Crowder recorded a team high 51 receptions, so maybe Zach Wilson feels comfortable with him. At the same time, how many of those 51 receptions do you remember? Averaging 8 yards per catch and scoring only twice, Crowder has become a reliable underneath receiver. And considering Joe Douglas reduced his contract, I think Crowder looks for a fresh start.

Verdict: Go. 

WR Braxton Berrios

Remember after the first month of the season, when numerous Jets fans were complaining about Berrios having the most targets of any receiver? Yep that really happened. But as one Jet receiver and tight end after another went down to injury, Berrios remained steadfast, becoming the Swiss army knife of Mike LaFleur's offense. This OC loves the creativity he gets to employ with Berrios on end arounds, screens, sweeps, you name it. The results: 431 yards receiving, five plays of over 20 yards. Five touchdowns: 2 receiving, 2 running, and 1 returning. And of course, finishing second in both punt return average and kick return average.

Verdict: Stay: 4 years, S20 million, $12 million guaranteed. This is the glue guy the Jets need to commit to and I would even to up to 6 million if needed. Imagine if he hits the market? New England would be calling him at 12:01 AM.

WR Keelan Cole

My favorite thing about Cole is when he plays interviewer, and asks questions to the Jets players in those videos on the team website. And his catch against Tennessee when Zach Wilson hurled that long bomb was a moment we will always remember. I like that he averaged 16 yards per catch. But here's what bothers me. 28 catches on 51 targets. He had his flashy moments, but it simply not a reliable target. 

Verdict: Go. He made $5.4 million this past season. I would offer a contract, but would not exceed $3 million, and I don't think it'll be enough. Let's address WR in the middle rounds of the draft.

WR Jeff Smith (ERFA)

He caught 8 of 117 targets for 113 yards. He's basically the last WR on the team...except for Denzel Mims. Basically, thus is a gadget player who doesn't have a role on this team anymore. Amazing that some people thought he would get a roster spot over Braxton Berrios

Verdict: Go.

TE Tyler Kroft

I'm going to be in the minority on this, but I like Kroft as a #2/3 TE. Yes he had injuries, and yes he dropped some passes. But remember he caught the go ahead touchdown vs Cincinnati and averaged 11 yards per reception. He is still a credible blocker, not a difference maker, but he can still be a useful piece if he's not asked to do too much.

Verdict: Stay. 2 years, $4 million, $2 million guaranteed

OG Dan Feeney

Great mullet. Good center. Hideous guard. Ok in fairness, he did run block pretty well. 

Verdict: Stay. 1 year, $1 million, and no negotiation

OG Laurent Duvernay-Tardif

I believe in Joe Douglas, and this trade is exactly why. The right guard spot desperately needed an upgrade and LDT provided it, especially in the running game. Pass protection, watching his one on one blocking was tough to watch, especially against Buffalo. The other question is he more committed to playing football or to his medical practice?

Verdict: Stay: 2 years, $10 million, $6 million guaranteed. For an adequate 30 year old guard, I would go short term here, just as a stopgap.

OT Connor McDermott        

Well if he was a tight end, we might be having a different conversation. Nice TD catch. That will be the only good thing he ever did as a Jet. He gave up multiple sacks in every start he had in relief of George Fant.

Verdict: Go

OT Morgan Moses

As happy as I was that the Jets signed Moses away from Washington, this is not a guy I'm looking to bring back. He created rushing yards, and yes, this offense is predicated on running the ball. But I was disappointed in him as a pass blocker. 49 pressures is the 4th most allowed among right tackles, and that just can't continue.

Verdict: Go. My hope is next year's starting tackles or Mekhi Becton and George Fant, and they draft a young OT in the middle rounds of the draft.

OT Isaiah Williams

He's already 28 years old. Basically the backup to the backup to the backup. Not worth keeping and if you see him on the field on a regular season game, something has gone terribly wrong.

Verdict: Go.

DT Nathan Shepherd

While you read his name, he just took another penalty. He did average one whole tackle per game and even had 8 QB hits. But his ability to stop the run is about on par with speedy rookie Jonathan Marshall. His legacy will be the first draft pick made after Sam Darnold, an inexcusable choice by then-GM Mike MacCagnan when offensive assets such as RB Chase Edmonds, WR Michael Gallup and Marquez Valdes-Scantling, and TEs Mark Andrews and Dalton Schultz were still available.

Verdict: Go.

DT Foley Fatukasi

For me, no player is a bigger tossup than this. Mike MacCagnan's best value draft pick is this run-stuffing DT. But he appears to be a better fit for a 3-4 defense than a 4-3. He had a PFF run-stopping grade of 86.2 in 2020, but that dropped to 57.3 this year, placing him right in the middle of the league.

Verdict: Go. While I respect and appreciate Foley, he is not a part of the solution going forward. The 4-3 defense simply does not suit his skill set. 

DE Vinny Curry

It's a shame we never got to see Vinny get a chance to play this season, as blood clots ended his season before the regular season started. At 33 years old, will he choose to risk his health? He signed for the Jets on a 1 year $1.3 million deal. For a defense longing for a pass rush, why not make him an offer, especially when his services will not likely be in high demand? Then again, I could see him stepping away from the game.

Verdict: Go: Offer 1 year, $1 million, if he wants to return, I just don't see it happening though.

DE Tim Ward (ERFA)

Basically, the last defensive lineman on the team. After two years in Kansas City, the Jets claimed him off waivers. I do like his size, length, and motor, but he's never shown an ability to consistently rush the passer, not even while playing college at Old Dominion. He played 11 games for the Jets, seeing the field on 25 percent of the defensive snaps, and recording 5 solo tackles and 2 passes defensed. He can have one more year to figure things out.

Verdict: Stay. 1 year, $0.75 million

DE Kyle Phillips (RFA)

His specialty is stopping the run. He'll never be a pass rusher but for a defense that was porous against the run, Phillips was a welcome addition in the second half of the season.

Verdict: Stay. 1 year, $2 million.

LB Jarrad Davis

The first free agent signing of this offseason turned out to be the worst. He was more productive for the Jets when he missed the first 6 games of the season due to injury. He took terrible angles against the run, could not rush the passer, and those opposing team's fruitful screens, well they often came at the expense of #52.

Verdict: Go. Far far away.

LB Del'Shawn Phillips

Special teams, nothing more, nothing less. 11 tackles in 17 games.

Verdict: Go.

CB Javelin Guidry (ERFA)

One of those polarizing players that people seem to either love or hate. In a pinch, he's a nice fill in. He allowed 28 catches on 39 targets for 328 yards and 2 touchdowns. He can stay as a backup, but hopefully, he will not be counted on.

Verdict: Stay. 1 year, $1 million

S LaMarcus Joyner

We all know that when Carl Lawson tore his Achilles on that fateful day on the Green Bay Packers practice field, the Jets defense suffered a blow they were never going to recover from. But one of the biggest hits this defense took that few people talk about is LaMarcus Joyner going down for the season in the first half of Game 1 in Charlotte. His coverage and tackling skills were sorely missed and were a big reason this defense finished 32nd overall.

Verdict: Keep. 1 year, $2.5 million. I hope LaMarcus is content to take a 1 year prove it deal. I would offer him basically the same contract again and see if he bites.

S Marcus Maye

A lot of Jets fans have been talking online about the team needs to play their own players. Well, Joe Douglas isn't going to be as quick to pay the players who (1) he didn't draft, (2) don't play a valued position, (3) had a DUI and left the scene, (4) tore his Achilles. And in truth, Maye wasn't killing it anyway. He had allowed 240 yards in pass coverage in just six games, and had already missed six tackles.

Verdict: Go. Start over at starting safety. One draft pick and one free agent.

S Sharron Neasman

12 tackles in 11 games. Most of his playing time came in Week 4 and 5 vs Tennessee and Atlanta and then he didn't see the filed too much after that. Practice squad at best.

Verdict: Go. If he will take 750k or so, as the 5th safety, we can have a conversation.

S Elijah Riley (ERFA)

A lot was asked from Elijah after every safety seemed to go down with a season-ending injury. He recorded 23 tackles in 7 games. He showed he can hit, but his blown coverage against Tampa Bay in Week 17 was horrible. If he's your 4th safety, ok. But he simply can't be trusted with extensive playing time.

Verdict: Go. Maybe I'd offer him a million dollars for a year, but I'd rather try some new blood.

K Eddy Piniero

Steady Eddy! 8 for 8 on field goals and 9 for 10 on extra points, and that 1 miss was blocked. May we never think of Alex Kessman again.

Verdict: Keep: 1 year 1 million dollars is a slight raise from his current contract, and I would still bring in another kicker for competition.

In summary, we spent $25 million, and before any contract restructuring, that leaves $45 million. Factor in about $15 million to sign the draft class, and that leaves us $30 million to spend in outside free agency.

To You

It's been 56 hours since you told me you love someone else. I've been thinking about it, despite not wanting to, and even while the emotion is still raw, here is my perspective.

You are a confused, emotionally lost woman who does not know the first thing about this kind of new love or a new relationship.

You just left an 18 year marriage. Or more accurately, he evicted you from that marriage. And now I understand why. It wasn't because he did not want to be married anymore. It wasn't because he was lost in life, like you told me he was. He left the military, spent every day with you, and realized it was not going to work.

Two weeks later, emotionally vulnerable, you walked into the bar where the Virginia Jets Fans, the club of which I am President. I hadn't dated in almost two years, and I wanted to. Over the next few weeks, we grew closer and closer, and I gave myself to you in a way I never had before with another woman. I was thinking of little ways to make you happy, places we could go, I wanted to learn you more and more. I could see our future lasting a long time. I was even willing to put up with your ugly tattoos and inexplicable admiration of Bernie Sanders.

Again, I acknowledge my mistake. I lost my temper in your presence and was too embarrassed to face you. It took me days. Finally, we talked on a Thursday afternoon. It scared me so much to have that conversation. You said you forgave me. Then the next day, you went to Vegas with the family, allegedly the family, for 9 days, I felt it best to give you your space and let you enjoy your trip. Then you came back and supposedly had COVID. So trying to be respectful, I messaged you on occasion, and we did talk once or twice. But a part of my mind knew your heart was gone. 

You weren't reaching out to me anymore, except to tell me that you were COVID positive. And what happened to your expressive side? When we started, our chats had energy and cleverness to them. All of a sudden, they became "Good," "Nice," and "Thank you." I've been through this shit enough time when a woman quits because a man isn't doing everything perfectly, and she doesn't address it, they just stew inside and plan to their quitting strategy.

So on Friday, you messaged me, and told me it was over, which was one thing. But that it was for some random dude you once knew and that it progressed quickly and that you love him...it's clear you don't think with your brain, you were thinking with your pierced vagina. If it had been you leaving me for David, to keep your marriage alive, I would have been less offended. 

Let me explain what is really going on. You love the idea of what he could've been back when you knew him, however long ago that was. You said you didn't want me caught in the middle, well you know what? There was not supposed to be a middle! It was you, and it was me. 

And then for you to message me two days later, and say you are bringing this dude with you to the chili kickoff; do you have a fucking idea what you were saying? You didn't ask me how I felt about it, you owed me that much at least. You figured it would be perfectly fine and never anticipated the potential fallout. Let me remind you of something, this is the football group of which I am the President. I have been there 4 plus years, you have not been there even 4 months. For you to say you still want to be friends, then two days later day you want to show off this person to the group, essentially rubbing my nose in a pile of dog shit, that's as callous as anything I could ever imagine.

I never knew when I met you that you would turn out to be so cold hearted, cruel, and most of all, selfish. While I hate what you have done, I don't hate you. I just pity you. And I thank you that you broke my heart now rather than later. I will mend in time and be a better and stronger man for being away from you. And guess what? With your restlessness and twisted way of thinking, you'll fail with this guy too.

I Knew It!

 I had a sick feeling for weeks she was going to do it. 

4:10 pm. 50 minutes from leaving work after a hard week. I got a message on Facebook. Yes...a Facebook message. Someone came back into her life. Things progressed. Quickly. And...she had the nerve to say this... she loves him. 

She never said it to me. Never. But within 2 or 3 weeks, she knows that she loves this asshole.

But at least there's truth in consolation. She LOVES our friendship and doesn't want to lose it. Well she was the only one I gave myself to completely and I saw this thing lasting for a long long time. And now I'm supposed to accept being friend zoned.

If she was here, I'd tell her right now that David was right to dump her stupid tatted ass two months ago. He knew.

The Most Helpless Feeling

Sometimes we can see something happening in the future and we're powerless to stop it. For instance, a weather disaster or the complete failure of the Joe Biden and Kamala Harris reign. 

Well, in my opinion, when a man knows a woman has made up her mind to leave him, but she hasn't told him yet, that may be the most helpless feeling of all. It isn't what she says, it's that she isn't saying anything. 

Her answers become shorter,  but even more than that, they become repetitive. Chats have become "Nice" or "Thank you." And I say this so much, but in the least 3 weeks, I've been the only to initiate contact. There was one exception, she messaged me to inform she had tested positive for COVID. Other than that, she seems all but disengaged from a relationship. 

I have to borrow lyrics from Blackhawk. Every day I brace myself to hear the words I'm scared she's going to say. And every night I thank the Lord somehow I dodged the bullet one more day. 

I do a great job at wearing out my welcome, and once again, I couldn't get past 2 months. Actually this lasted 1. Hell, maybe I'm disengaging already, so when she says to me what she is ultimately going to, it won't hurt me as bad. 

I'll see her next Saturday at the chili cookoff. I'm sure we'll hug, it's been a month since we've seen each other. But it won't be the same. It never will. I lost my temper, I became embarrassed, I retreated, and I ruined it. 

Hello 2022

Well, this world hasn't had the sunniest of circumstances in the last couple of years. And as 2021 was drawing to a close, I saw a lot of people expressing a similar message on social media. 

"Goodbye 2021, let's start a new year."

As if changing the 4th number in a year is suddenly going to fix the problems of the world, and the attitudes of the people who live in it. The fact is the people had shouted the exact same message 12 months ago begging for 2020 to end and anxiously waiting to turn the page to 2021.

We are in a cycle of discontent, fear, and restlessness. COVID, the economy, the incapable buffoons of a president and vice-president that we will be suffering with for 3 more years. It's so easy to focus on everything that is going wrong. On the first day of January, I find myself asking what is there to be positive about? Where can I have some real hope?

I have less faith in people than I ever have. It terrifies me how many people buy into the lies and manipulation from the mainstream media and politicians, even as our country continues to collapse. But after seeing the Oval Office dweller's approval rating sink by over 20 percent in his first 12 months, well I have some optimism that these people realize how much they screwed up at the voting polls.

My job and career? Not a ton of positive thoughts there. We are down to two people left on campus, me and the new hire who doesn't know what he's doing yet. At this rate, based off my value to the company, I should be entitled to a pay increase.

Maybe I should look internally. That may sound self-centered, but perhaps I've put too much energy and emotion towards the forces of evil prospering while righteous continue to suffer. Maybe I can work on being better at certain aspects of my life and the outside world may not be as threatening. And then who knows, maybe I wouldn't be venting on here to the same eight people who read my posts.

I'd like to write an inspiring, positive conclusion, but I'm not there just yet. While that's just not meant to be written yet, it just might have its time in the coming weeks or months.

How did this happen?

To me, the idea of being a better person has been that one is constantly learning and growing from their past experiences. We all make mistakes, but through those mistakes, we should eventually be eliminating them and always be moving towards perfection.

The more that things happen to me, the more I'm scared that I cannot grow and I cannot get better. I fear I am stuck and will remain the same person I've been since I was a teenager. I am still so prone to abandonment, to rejection, to bullying, to fear, to mistakes.

At the Jets vs Dolphins game today, the club had its Christmas party. I was annoyed after the White Elephant when I came away with the worst prize out of anyone, basically it was the second straight night I spent about 30 bucks on a white elephant prize and came out with a pile of crap. This one was a Pop Joe Namath figurine and 20 bucks to Wendy's. For the love of God, I haven't eaten there in 25 years at least. So that already had me in a bad mood. I don't care if it was supposed to be fun, it felt like I had wasted money.

After Miami started to come back in the second half and eventually put the game away, from the bar, I hear this bitch squeal so loud and so high like she was taking it in the ass, which I'm sure she would pay men to do. And she kept on going and going to the point where I wanted to go over to the bar and say something. Instead, I glared at her for a good ten seconds...and I walked outside for about 5 minutes. I had to cool down.

I came back inside shortly thereafter, it was starting to get cold out. And then on the next possession, Zach Wilson fumbled the ball when the offensive line again failed to protect him, it was the recurring theme for the second half. Something inside of me snapped. I pounded the table where I was sitting. I shouted a pretty vile curse word that I'm not proud of. I could feel the entire restaurant staring at me in disbelief, with hatred and disgust. Unable to make eye contact with anyone, I walked out, this time for good. And I drove straight home, desperate to not have to talk to anyone. 

And now, here I sit in my dark living room, having downed 6 shots of whiskey. I don't want to look at my cell phone. I know SHE wants to talk to me. She has called me. She has messaged me. She has texted me. But damn it, I'm too ashamed. I can't talk to her about the darkest parts of my mind, about my eternal scars. I don't deserve her. No good woman could accept a man who is so tormented. I am just wanting to not feel anything and dying to shut this world off, that is so full of hate, and judgment, and contempt.

I'm 40 freaking years old. I'm not a boy, I'm not a teenager, I'm not even a young man now. I'm not supposed to be failing like this. Yet every time that good things happen, something will always come along that knocks me on my ass. And I'm the same lonesome abandoned kid again. I don't know why God made me. I don't know why he put me on earth now. But I'm terrified that whatever my purpose was, I've completely missed it. I have an ordinary, inconsequential life. And if I miss my reason for living, and live a failure of a life, am I going straight to hell? Will I suffer the most ultimate abandonment of all???

Baltimore and DC Getaway

3.5 hour drive to Baltimore with a stop in rainy Mechanicsville at a local coffee shop for some chai

Chap's Pit Beef

DDD sandwich with pit beef, corned beef, and hot Italian sausage.

Plus a beef and turkey to go

Baltimore Museum of Industry

So many exhibits about cars, canning, garments, printing, steel mills, etc.

Vaccaro's Pastry Shop in Little Italy

Almond cookie, biscotti, and sesame cookies...and two rainbow cookies for her

Checkerspot brewery

Industrial area under the highway

Diamondback brewery

Pizza oven

Element Hotel check in

Drove across the street to the Arundel Hills Mall

Slammed for Christmas

Didn't buy a thing

Dinner at Nando's

Burned drumstick

Ring of Honor Final Battle

Super emotional

The greatest wrestling organization of the last 20 years

Stopped in Exxon to get a drink

I couldn't believe that they had Joe's peach iced tea

Saw EC3 and Adam Scherr

Leftover margherita pizza in the hotel

Sunday morning

Gym

Grab and go breakfast

The Well Church

Couldn't find it for 15 minutes

I refused to wear a mask inside

Maybe 60 people in the rented Seventh Day Adventist Building

Pastor was nice enough to introduce himself

$30 to park my car

Ted's Bulletin

Homemade cinnamon brown sugar pop tart

Fag next to me at the bar tried to hit on me

Breakfast burrito

Irish Channel bar in Chinatown, home of the Capital Jets fans

1 Smithwick's and 4 Miller Lites

Jets get killed by the Saints

Complete waste of a season

Drove home the 3 hours

Her

What am I going to do about her? 

She shouldn't have walked into the restaurant that Sunday, November 14. It was just me and the guys, watching another Jets loss in another season that's been filled with them. The long dark hair, the white lacy cotton top, the confident walk, the dynamic smile, and the lack of jewelry on the fourth finger of the left hand. I had no idea what her story was, but I figured as club President, it was my duty to inquire.

We actually didn't talk much that first day. But I requested her on Facebook. That led to my first message on Wednesday. That night was a 2 hour phone conversation that flowed like water down a stone-free river. I never had to search for a conversation topic, she knew immediately how to engage me. We continued to talk and message every day, and by Sunday, we both knew we were ready to see each other again. By the next Sunday, we were seeing each other privately. The next night was our first kiss and a few other firsts, which later in the week became seconds and thirds.

Except she is recently separated from her husband of 18 years and cannot get legally divorced until at least May 1. So there is no declaring anything official until that's official. And even then, when that's over, will she be ready to date?

Tonight, we had dinner at Mellow Mushroom. The Cloud 9 garlic parmesan wings were great, the pizza with the aioli base was just weird. Good...but too dang creamy. Then I drove us through Newport News Park which had sets of Christmas lights set up, it was a pretty amazing display. Then I took her back to my apartment's parking lot, and for the first time, she didn't come inside, she drove home.

I've gone further than I have with anyone in my 40 years of living. And I could see myself with her for a long time. I know she likes me a lot. But is that enough for her? I have been messed over so many times that I can't help but wonder she'll do it to me too. I've opened up to her, but I can't bear to tell her that I don't want to picture me without her. Life is so much better with her in it.

And after 22 days, my head says it is too soon to feel this way. I don't want to get caught up in puppy love or infatuation. But at the same time, in 25 years since puberty, I have had enough unrequited crushes and failed relationships to know when something can work. And damn it, this can work.

The tough part is I don't know who I can really talk to about how to handle this. It's easy to go to Mom but for this part of my life, it just feels awkward. Dad, forget it. Has the want to, not the know how to. My friends, how many do I know that would both listen to me and have the wisdom I need to hear. Maybe that's why I'm on here now at 11:30 pm after downing half a bottle of Pinot Noir.

I've never considered myself to be a patient man. But if there's any shot of this becoming what I want it to become, I'm going to have to learn patience right now. And here's the scary part...what if she decides she doesn't want to date after the divorce is final? And then all of my waiting is for nothing?

God, why am I in a spot in such a time as this? What are you trying to teach me? Regardless of whether this becomes a relationship or not, I pray I will be a better man for it. Amen.

I'm Still Here

Wow I take so much time off sometimes between posts. 

I really don't even want to make an attempt to recap the last 8 weeks, because it would be a fruitless effort. But I'll point out these 5 things:

1) Rocklin Ranch makes the best Cabernet I've ever had

2) I'm scared our financial aid department will completely collapse for being so short staffed.

3) Max Scherzer is really a New York Met!!!!! Can I be greedy and beg for Kris Bryant?

4) I finally have my own Christmas tree and now this apartment really feels like Christmas.

5) I ran the Nauti Lite challenge in Norfolk the weekend before Thanksgiving. I also did this in 2019 a little faster, but the difference is I medaled in my division for both the 5k and 10k. I ran the 5k in 22:27, 61st of 1,223 runners and 3rd of 61 in my age bracket. For the 10k, I finished that one in 47:57, 22nd of 651 and 1st of 36 in my age bracket. The Asics shoes I had were not the best, I really felt some discomfort in my feet. So I will not be running in those for much longer. At this point, I don't know if I've run my personal bests. Can I go faster than I did these races? Yes I can, but would I be risking injury if I did? Maybe the greater victory is being able to do these races, maintain a great pace, and finish as I get older.

What else is on my mind tonight? An amazing girl. That I have to wait and wait for. But that will require its own post. 

NHL Predictions

 

Eastern Conference

Metropolitan

y-Carolina

x-NY Islanders

x-Washington

x-NY Rangers

x-Pittsburgh

Philadelphia

Columbus

New Jersey

 

Atlantic

z-Tampa Bay

x-Toronto

x-Florida

Boston

Montreal

Ottawa

Detroit

Buffalo

 

Western Conference

Central

z-Colorado

x-Chicago

x-Winnipeg

x-St. Louis

x-Minnesota

Nashville

Dallas

Arizona

 

Pacific

y-Vegas

x-Edmonton

x-Vancouver

Calgary

Los Angeles

Seattle

San Jose

Anaheim

 

Eastern Conference Finals

Carolina over Tampa Bay

 

 Western Conference Finals

Colorado over Vegas

 

Stanley Cup Finals

Colorado over Carolina

Let's Try This Again

I wonder if I should just make this a travel blog. It seems like the only time I'm guaranteed to write is when I take vacations. But let's catch up on a few things.

Shipt business is really decreasing. There are so few open orders to grab, the bonuses are trying up, and since people are shopping at the stores again, there's less need for us shoppers. I still enjoy doing it, but I don't know if my $1,000 monthly goal is realistic. 

I ran the Crawlin' Crab 5k in just under 23 minutes last weekend. I felt pretty good about the time. Feet did not feel good for most of the race. I'd like for my shoes to last longer than 9 months!

Mom was so nice to ship me two Lou Malnatis pizzas!

I finally bit the bullet and bought a new vacuum cleaner. It's light, easy to maintain, and I like that the hand vacuum pops off and can be used to reach high places. And for 200 bucks at Costco, not too bad of a buy.

Another thing I'm especially excited about is that I'm doing stats and info for a Jets podcast. Green Bean is a great guy and a passionate Jets fan. I've only been listening to his podcast since maybe late winter of this year. But he's such an approachable, down to earth guy that it's easy to see why people are drawn to him. 

And I tied that back to me. I realize that I have an outgoing energy about me. I have a weakness for not doing a great job of ignoring dumb opinions. And that turns some people off. I know I have friends. But I'm worried that if I were to disappear, it wouldn't really affect anyone outside of my parents. 

I feel my prime is behind me in terms of dating. The prospects are basically nonexistent. Im 40, so I'm not perceived as young anymore. Deep down, I don't want to have hope anymore. Because the higher the hope, the more devastating the disappointment. And every damn day, I swear I see a social media post about a new relationship, a date, an engagement, a baby, etc. And it sickens me. I can't help but wonder what I did wrong that I don't get to have that. Am I destined to work myself to death and ultimately die alone?

NFL Predictions

 

AFC East

y-Buffalo

x-New England

Miami

NY Jets

 

AFC North

y-Baltimore

x-Cleveland

Pittsburgh

Cincinnati

 

AFC South

y-Tennessee

x-Indianapolis

Jacksonville

Houston

 

AFC West

z-Kansas City

San Diego

Las Vegas

Denver

 

NFC East

y-Dallas

NY Giants

Washington

Philadelphia

 

NFC North

y-Green Bay

x-Minnesota

Chicago

Detroit

 

NFC South

z-Tampa Bay

New Orleans

Atlanta

Carolina

 

NFC West

y-Los Angeles

x-Seattle

x-San Francisco

Arizona

AFC Championship

Kansas City over Buffalo

 

NFC Championship

Green Bay over Los Angeles

 

Super Bowl

Kansas City over Green Bay