The Mexican screaming contest

The day: Monday, November 22. The time: 9:15-9:45 p.m. The place: The IK Ballroom
in the Adventura Spa Palace in Puerto Adventura, Mexico, south of Cancun.

It was the first night I'd experienced the live entertainment at our hotel. Following a performance from a mariacci band, the trumpets, the bass which looks like an inflated acoustic guitar, the whole deal, they announced the Mexican screaming contest. They said 4 men could walk up if they wanted to do it. Well, 3 guys walked on stage and my stepdad, was the 4th. I saw him going up and I had to sneak on. I made it and before I knew it, Unger and I were standing side by side wondering what we were getting ourselves into.

First we all got Spanish names. Unger's was Poncho and I was Jesus (Hey-zeus), as I explained in my previous post. My beard, my hair, I don't know why. These were the rules. They put a huge sombrero on our head and a Mexican afghan over our right shoulder. We had to drink tequila for 5 seconds, squirted into our mouth by Marie, a fine fine staff member from Quebec. We took 4 huge stomps, stuck out butt out, chest out and screamed, "Andalay, andalay, andalay! Arriba, arriba, arriba! Brrrgggggghhh!"

Well the 3 guys did it and it was Unger's turn. He forgot the butt and chest parts, and the crowd booed. They gave him another shot. This time he forgot to stomp! I just turned away, dropped my head in my hands, and shook my head in complete disbelief. And his scream wasn't much to write home about either.

So I went and Marie squirted tequila down my mouth for a good 15 or 20 straight seconds. It was so much I nearly coughed it out. A little dazed, I forgot the butt part. More boos. So on my second chance I stuck it out so hard, I nearly blew my back out. Now what if I had really thrown my back out? How would I explain that to the hospital and doctors? It would be bad enough in English, now I'd have had to translate it into Spanish! So I did my thing and got a nice repsonse, one of the best. But my forgetfulness must have cost me. I finished second. Which was fine by me, because all the winner got was a full bottle of tequila. Safe to say, all I wanted after that was water and Advil. I came off stage and nearly collapsed. I had quite a buzz in my head for the next 12 hours.

For the next 5 days, I had people calling after me, "Jesus! Jesus!" Tough burden, but hey, I guess that's a pretty good man for people to compare you to!