OK, this one is big

I just found out an ex-girlfriend of mine is engaged. She was probably the most serious relationship I've ever had.

Funny, as I found out about this at 2 a.m. through her blog, I was playing an online country music station with a lot of oldies. Now seriously, that goes to the heart!

Anyway, how do I feel? Boy, this is one weird feeling. Certainly not jealousy on my part. I got over her a long time ago. We broke up 4 or 5 years ago, but it's still hard to believe she's engaged. We still chatted on AIM from time to time and we sometimes could do that for 2 or 3 hours at a time. As of the last 18 months or so, I'd say we've only had 2 or 3 conversations.

Here's the thing. She's always been the type who needs to have a guy. I guess that's why when we were apart in college, (She was in California and I was in Massachusetts), she cheated on me with some prick. At least it wasn't with the guy she's engaged to! Though she cried hard when she told me what she did, I could read the writing on the wall. It wasn't going to work out. And from what I could tell reading her online journal tonight, she's wanting to get this wedding done as soon as possible. I'm not surprised at her wanting to rush things. We were only an item for a few months, and most of that time was spent 3,000 miles apart, but I guess I knew her pretty well.

I want her to be happy. But I could just see her falling in and out of love a lot in her life. Anyway, Elizabeth, (since she's probably not reading this), I wish her the best. As I was typing this, an old Hank Williams song came on called "There'll Be No Teardrops Tonight." I'm posting the lyrics. They don't apply down to the letter, but pretty close.

I'll pretend I'm free from sorrow
Make believe that wrong is right
Your wedding day will be tomorrow
But there'll be no teardrops tonight.
Why, oh why should you desert me
Are you doin' this for spite
If you only want to hurt me
Then there'll be no teardrops tonight.
I'll believe that you still love me
When you wear your veil of white
But you think that you're above me
So there'll be no teardrops tonight.
Shame, oh shame for what you're doin'
Other arms will hold you tight
You don't care whose life you ruin
But there'll be no teardrops tonight.

Speaking objectively, I believe she will still have feelings for me years from now. I really do. But I'm fine.